


Pulled to the Lights

by samzillastomps



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dancing, Desperation, Drinking, Drug Use, Face Painting, Feelings, Grinding, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Makeouts, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Slight Voyeurism, an excuse to listen to a bunch of EDM while writing these kids, art school au, aw fuck i done did it, basically just kylux being kylux, breakfast burritos, but managing to hate each other at the same time, coachella au, cute crush admittals, except outside in the sunshine with reflective glasses and crop tops, glowstick bracelets, handjobs, honest emotions, laughing, more than slight exhibitionism, rated explicit just in case my language gets a bit less flowery and a bit more depraved, too much honesty for Hux to bear, uncensored fluff and smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:37:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samzillastomps/pseuds/samzillastomps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pulling from a rather beautiful and complex art school au, I loved the idea of these two creative dorks going from competitively hating each other at university to completely losing themselves in a music festival--- and dealing with the repercussions later.</p><p>When <a href="http://kawaiilo--ren.tumblr.com/">kawaiilo--ren</a> told me about this idea that she and noxberry had of Ren and Hux going to Coachella, I was inspired. And then when she drew them <a href="http://kawaiilo--ren.tumblr.com/post/143264697490/the-other-day-i-was-talking-with-noxberry-and-she">face-painting</a> in preparation for a particularly sordid evening of glowsticks and debauchery, I had no choice! I had to write it out. Chapters are organized by days of the festival.</p><p>
  <a href="http://8tracks.com/samzillastomps/pulled-to-the-lights">"Official" soundtrack here! Haha</a>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Buildup

“You have to, Kylo.”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything, Phaz,” Ren replied, pulling his charcoal further down the canvas, harder this time.

“Not literally, but you owe me!” Phasma pushed her notebook at him, as if reading the damn memos she’d jotted would change his mind. “I calculated all of it, if we split parking and camping costs it’s really not that expensive, and I convinced my friend in California to give us a ride from her place on Friday. We don’t have to get VIP access, we can just buy standard. You love, like, seventy-five percent of these bands. You know you want to go with me.”

“I know, that’s what sucks about this. I went to that rave with you in Miami for Christmas and it fucked up my whole budget. I had to replenish my whole supply stock this last month because of the surprise exhibition Snoke pulled on me. I just don’t know if I can afford Coachella this year,” he sighed. The lines on his canvas were too jagged. He smeared the vine charcoal away with a brush of his thumb, softened it a bit.

“You can’t afford it, even with the chunk of scholarship you get for housing?”

“I can’t afford it because you make me spend all my savings on this kind of shit,” Ren said, winking humorlessly over his shoulder as he ran the charcoal stub lengthwise in a half-circle that spanned almost a full rotation of his arm. Without turning around, he added, “Even if I try to sell a few sketches, some little commissions online, it really won’t be enough.”

“Tell you what. You scrounge up whatever money you can selling your angsty abstract online, and I’ll do all your laundry for the next three months.” Ren glanced up, narrowing his eyes. “No idea why you live at a place with coin laundry anyway. Seems cruel to do to kids in university.”

“The price for living off campus, I guess.” He put the charcoal down on his easel, folding his arms over his chest so that he could look at Phasma with half-lidded eyes. “Alright I’m half convinced. Sweeten it up.”

“So on top of laundry, I’ll cook for you, too.”

“Three times a week?”

“How about twice a week, but I’ll give you any leftovers we have.”

“Done.” He shook on it, then grimaced when he left black and red smudges all over the back of her hand. “Sorry.”

“Nah don’t worry. Comes off easier than glycerine,” Phasma said, as she dusted her hand off on her dark denim pants and left the studio. “I’ll text you this weekend, so you can come over to buy the tickets!”

“Wait a minute, before you go,” Ren stopped her. She turned. “Why are you hellbent on this?”

“What do you mean, like in general? It’s a great time.”

“No, I mean, like…” he picked up the charcoal again, turned it in his hands a few times as he tried to make the next comment sound less pitiable out loud than it did in his head. “Is this like that Christmas rave you took me to? Where you just invited me out because your club members wouldn’t fly to Miami, so you had nobody else to bring?”

“I mean… I’ll be inviting the clubs members to this, too,” Phasma tilted her head a bit, as if she was surprised at his question. “But no. It’s different this time. I hear what you listen to when you’re here working late. This seems like something you’d be into.”

“So based on mutual music interest, you want to fly across the country with me and hang out for three days at a music festival?”

“I think you’re interesting, dipshit,” Phasma said, moving to leave. “Who else would encourage me to do bodyshots off of strangers in the middle of a fucking dance party? Not Hux, that’s for damn sure.” Phasma chuckled to herself, and didn’t take notice of how the mention made Ren’s mouth twitch. “And also, nobody else really wants to split camping with me. But it doesn’t mean I think you’ll be any less fun to have along!”

“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.” He glanced her way, saw her hesitating as if she wondered whether or not to apologize. He grinned. “A deal’s a deal.” She pulled a face on him, angry for making her think he was really upset. “Looking forward to all those dinners, Phaz,” Ren shouted as she ran out of the studio to her next class.

* * *

 

“I don’t know any of those bands, Phasma,” Hux said, not looking up from the two photos of similar composition lying on the table before him. He was trying to focus on which one contrasted better, but it was hard to analyze the nearly identical photos with Phasma interrupting. She groaned loudly and fiddled in her bookbag for a notebook. He took it from her when she held it out over his photos, and in order to get her to leave him in peace he skimmed through the figures.

“You’ll like them, I’m sure of it. Just give it a chance. Come with me.”

“Why do you want to go so badly?” Hux mumbled. “Seems expensive just to listen to some music.”

“They’ve got this set of mobile art installations throughout the event area, I really want to see them in person. Plus, the stage design, the music, it’s just really inspiring.”

“Seems beneath us.”

“If we split the costs of buying camping passes,” Phasma said, ignoring him, “we only pay forty bucks on top of our tickets, because we can get shuttled from the airport to my friend’s house, then they can give us a lift to the campgrounds and we can pitch our tent there. I already have the tent, so it’s all good.” She was speaking in quick bursts, like a rapid fire semi-automatic weapon.

“I don’t like camping,” Hux replied curtly, handing her back the notebook.

“This is an entirely separate experience, Hux,” she urged. “It’s not like camping out in nature; here, you have stuff to do every minute of the day and every second in the night. You probably won’t even sleep.”

“I like my sleep.”

“Well, you might like staying up and partying even more. You don’t know until you try it.”

“It sounds dirty.”

“It’s not so bad, for three days. Just a bit sweaty. There are these portable shower bags, I have one I used last year, it’s super easy for washing your hair. I have some powder face wipes too, they’re amazing for getting dirt off your body at the end of the day.” Hux looked horrified and Phasma sighed in exasperation. “Look, if you panic and want a shower, I’ll get my friend to let you drive yourself back to her place for a break from the concert. Okay?”

Hux chewed his lip, thinking.

“It sounds loud.”

“That’s the beauty of it, though,” Phasma groaned. “It’s good music, yeah it’s loud, but you really do feel it when it hits you.” She paused, as if an idea had just occured to her. “Think of the photos you could get.”

“Of high hippies dancing naked around at a laser show? No thanks.”

“The colors, the composition. The subject matter you definitely won’t find here on campus. It could be a boost, a critical look on a culture not your own.” She noted Hux had fallen silent and so she went in for the kill. “What was all of that dissertation talk, about ‘finding order within chaos’ and that sort of thing? Wouldn’t a chaotic music festival be the perfect place for that?”

“You really want me to go, don’t you.”

“I’d love to have you with me,” Phasma confirmed, her voice somehow managing to stay firm while she begged. “As president, please think of the exhibition the club could put on after going to something like this. Think of the cohesiveness, of having our experiences align in an installation. Please.”

“I’ll consider it,” Hux sighed.

“Great. Come over Saturday afternoon, we’ll buy the tickets together.”

“ _If_ I buy them, you mean,” Hux called, but she had already left him sitting in the dorm lounge. He heard her accidentally slam the door to the lobby, apologize, and then run off. He sighed again, more deeply, and wondered if she didn’t actually have a small point he could concede to.

* * *

 

The weather being chilly, it was hard for Ren to think of going to a sunny music festival in a couple of months’ time. Even in the nicer of the dorms, like the one Phasma lived in, there seemed to be a constant draft. Ren pulled his scarf tighter around his neck and knocked on her door, thinking dizzily of tanktops and sunscreen.

“It’s open.”

He didn’t really know what he expected when he walked in, but it certainly wasn’t Brendol Hux sitting backwards on a chair watching Phasma click around on her laptop. By the look on the redhead’s face, the feeling was mutual.

“What’s he doing here?” Hux asked before Ren could even walk in the door.

“C’mon don’t be like that,” Phasma groaned. “He’s going with us.”

“Now hold on a goddamn minute-”

“Oh, lighten up, Irving Penn,” Ren snapped.

“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Try to get out of your carefully composed little box for a second here-”

“I don’t want some emo hipster artist along for the-”

“Fuck you, you pretentious control freak-”

“Chill out!” Phasma yelled. The two men turned to look at her: both Ren and Hux were emitting varied degrees of offense and consternation at her tone, but they did shut up. Phasma squinted at them in an attempt to further drive her point home. “We’re not putting on an art show together, this is just supposed to be a fucking good time. You’d think you two could get past your petty arguments long enough to…” She paused, looking between the two of them. Hux’s ears were pink, and he swallowed hard as he turned away to avoid Phasma’s piercing stare. “What’s going on?” she asked, frowning deeply. Her tone was that of a mother demanding answers, and god help them if they had the wrong ones to give her.

“Nothing,” Ren covered hastily, walking in and setting his bag down by the closet. “Nothing outside the norm.” Phasma raised an eyebrow.

“Then why such a huge to-do?”

“I think Hux was just surprised, and I was too. You didn’t tell us who all would be going. Right, Hux?”

“R-right.” He was still looking off to the side, his brow furrowed. He was trying to project anger, but to Ren he just seemed more suspicious.

“I would have told you if I’d known what babies you were going to be,” Phasma said, eyes flicking suspiciously back and forth between them. Hux’s blush was thankfully not at his cheeks yet, but it was getting there. Ren praised the powers that be when Phasma’s phone rang and interrupted the interrogation.

“Hello? Mi- Mitaka I can’t… I can’t fuckin hear you, hold on. There’s no goddamn signal in this concrete slab of a building-”

With the slam of a door, she left the two of them alone, most likely gone for a few minutes while she hunted down a spot in the lobby by some windows to gather as many bars as she could without going outside.

“So, are you going to back out, or shall I?” Hux asked icily.

“Neither,” Ren said.

“Okay, I will then,” Hux went to gather his stuff, unstraddling the chair.

“Don’t be like that.” Ren hooked his hand around Hux’s leather satchel strap and tugged it down, forcing Hux to sit down hard enough to force a grunt from him. “Look, if you and I don’t go now, she’ll realize something is up between us.”

“That ‘something’ is about to be my lunch,” Hux snapped.

“I really doubt that. I think you’re covering.”

“Barely covering my disdain, maybe.”

“That’s not the adjective I’d use to describe our kisses, but okay,” Ren said, smirking and still holding onto Hux’s strap. With a yank, Hux shook his fingers free and held his bag closer, as if he were protecting a small animal from Ren’s predatory claws.

“Don’t mention stuff like that out loud,” he whispered.

“Like what? Like how you came to the studio in order to watch me work-”

“You borrowed my library card, that was all.”

“- and then you stayed because you couldn’t _stop_ watching me work.” Ren was on Phasma’s roommate’s bed, leaning forward to match Hux’s fiery stare. His was crackling with amusement, but Hux’s seemed designed to kill.

“You had a tantrum over me being there, which you seem to be conveniently omitting from your recollections. I stayed to see if you would destroy any of your high school bullshit in the process.”

“You stayed because I kissed you. Hard. And you liked it.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Hux bit out, not even denying it as a blush crept up on his neck.

“I never told anyone, as per your instructions,” Ren said as he leaned back, satisfied that he’d won for the moment, “but if you keep pretending you hate me so much for no reason, people are going to start thinking you actually feel the opposite. You’ll be digging yourself a hole, based solely off of protesting too much.”

“Wh… Ugh.” Hux was covering his mouth, his eyes downcast. He seemed to know Ren was right, on some level. “Why the fuck do you care?” he asked through his fingers.

“Oh, I don’t,” Ren smiled and flopped back onto the bed with his arms behind his head. “Personally? I kind of like the idea of people thinking you have some sort of desperate crush on me.”

“Fuck you,” Hux muttered. Ren just laughed. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to figure out his angle. “So then why are you insisting that I go? Aren’t you worried people will think the same of you, that you have some ‘desperate crush’ on me?”

“I bet they already do,” Ren murmured. Hux tried to keep his breathing steady against the admission, failed. Ren seemed to be listening specifically for that tiny hitch of an inhale, because he chuckled again. “Relax, Hux. I want you to go because it’d be a hoot to see you so out of your element, to see you actually attending a music festival of this magnitude.”

“You think I can’t handle it?”

“All that disorganization? Pfft. You’d spend most of the time in the tent or the beer garden. If you even managed to stay the whole time, instead of taking a cab back to Phasma’s friend’s place.”

“What are you even basing these assumptions off of, pray tell?”

“Just look at you. You love order. First glance could tell you that much.” Ren lifted a hand to lazily gesture to Hux’s entire being in the chair. “Hair slicked perfectly to the side, precision cut, blouse meticulously creased… it all translates to your photography too.”

“Careful, Ren.”

“Meticulous accuracy only gets you so far, and it has gotten you far, Hux. However. You could use a bit of chaos, I’m thinking.”

“Fuck,” Hux breathed, the anger taken from him at the positive mention of his work. Ren rolled to his side, glancing up at the redhead.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like your-”

“Shut. The fuck. Up.” Hux pressed a hand to his cheek, trying to cool it down. Phasma would probably come back at any moment, and Ren figured Hux didn’t want to look like he’d been fighting or blushing.

“So you’re not going then?” Ren asked, unable to hide the disappointment from his voice.

“Of course I’m still going. I already bought my ticket,” Hux replied. He heard the squeak as Ren got up, but didn’t expect him to throw his arms around his shoulder excitedly. “Get off me, you big idiot! What’s come over you?” He pushed Ren back onto the bed, where he bounced right back up to his feet again. He wasn’t even trying to disguise his eagerness. It made Hux scramble to scrape every trace of emotion off of his face except for his telltale sneer.

“This is great,” Ren said, ignoring him and clapping him on the back. “Now I don’t have to pay even more for the campsite!” Hux rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“No,” Ren insisted, Phasma’s footsteps nearing the door and causing him to lower his voice to a whisper. “Trust me. It’s going to be fantastic.”

* * *

 

“This is not okay,” Ren said, yanking his rolling suitcase out from under Mitaka’s clumsy feet for the third time since they’d started walking along the automatic sidewalk.

“I’m sorry!” Mitaka called from behind him, but Ren was not speaking to him. The four of them were tired and cranky and slightly late because of a parking incident where Phasma couldn’t figure out how to grab a weekend ticket; they’d had to shuttle after that, to get from one airport terminal to the other, and almost missed the last bus. Currently, their red-eye to California was boarding and they were still several gates away.

“We’re almost there,” Phasma said, glossing over Ren’s complaints for what felt like the millionth time that evening.

“Don’t make me sit with him, Phaz,” he breathed on her shoulder as they walked, “I will cut a bitch.” From up at the front of the caravan, Hux snickered to himself.

“Be nice,” she warned. “You and Mitaka bought your tickets last, so you get to sit together.”

“Hey Kylo,” Mitaka piped up, “I wanted to ask you, actually, about your opinions on the summer lecturer they chose for our art history course?”

“Let’s get this straight right now,” Ren whirled, pushing up his sunglasses from the bridge of his nose and still walking forward on the moving sidewalk as he spoke, “I am going on this trip to drink in the dark anonymity that people share when getting royally fucked up together en masse. Do not make me think about homework.”

“Swear to god,” Hux groaned. “We’re already late because this asshole and his stupid piercings just about set off the metal detector, now we have to listen to him wax poetic-”

“They did not, the TSA lady said I could keep my eyebrow piercing in-”

“Then why did you take so fucking long!”

“Everyone shut up and go left here, it’s Gate 28 and we’re boarding.” Phasma’s clear voice cut everyone back down to silence; everyone except Kylo.

“Phaz, please, please, switch with me, I am begging you,” Ren pleaded, fumbling with his ticket to give to the flight attendant. Phasma rolled her suitcase forward, ignoring him as best she could. They handed their tickets to the flight attendant at the front, Hux moving in first. “You’re part of that club together, you’ll have so much to talk about.”

“I can’t help the tickets, Ren.” Phasma took back her ticket from the flight attendant and put it in her purse. Hux paused, watching the whole spectacle from inside the jet bridge.

“Look you don’t understand. He does one more thing and I’m going to-”

“I call window seat!” Mitaka chirped happily. Phasma turned just in time to catch Ren as he jumped up like he was going to smack Mitaka over the head with his carry-on, and she held his hands down at his sides. In the background, Mitaka’s suitcase split open, vomiting clothes and essentials into the aisle.

“Okay, you know what? Fine!”

“Phasma, don’t give in to his-” Hux was cut off by a slice of her hand through the air as Phasma pushed past him to go help the poor kid.

“Don’t worry about it, Hux. Fucking Crylo can have my spot.”

“The window seat?” Ren asked, a bit too eagerly.

“Yes, whatever it takes to shut you up!”

“Thank you!”

“No, no, absolutely not,” Hux protested, “my seat is clearly the one marked as window, you get the aisle if anything.”

“I sleep better by the window,” Ren shrugged, positively giddy that he’d gotten his way. Not even Hux’s panicked glare could dampen his good mood now.

“You plan on sleeping?”

“It’s a red-eye Hux,” Ren scoffed, like he was the idiot here. “What else would I do?”

“You’re not even going to look out of it, but you want to sit by the window?” Hux asked. The absurdity of the situation made him pause, which gave Ren just enough of an opening to push past him into the plane first. Hux turned, searching for someone else on his side, but Phasma was already preoccupied with helping Mitaka pack up his spilled belongings and was not paying attention to the after effects of Kylo’s tantrum. “I bought the fucking window seat!”

“Unless you’re offering me your shoulder to snuggle up on while I sleep,” Ren said as he picked up his tiny rolling suitcase to stow up above them, “which I wouldn’t be averse to,” he watched as Hux reddened predictably, and Hux wished he could fit up Ren in the stowaway compartment, “then I suggest you shut up.”

“You’re such a dick, Kylo Ren.”

“Whatever,” Ren said, slamming into the window seat and sighing happily. He seemed to not even be absorbing how much Hux hated him right now. “Five hours from now, we’ll be landing in California. Isn’t it exciting?”

“Whatever,” Hux mimicked back. He could hear Phasma and Mitaka entering the plane and getting situated on the other side of the aisle, further to the front. He settled into the seat, put in his headphones, and tried to ignore the way Ren’s arm was hogging the only armrest.

Hux dozed fitfully, kept waking up to his cheek pressed into Kylo’s warm biceps. Every time he’d push away, disgruntled, he’d have a harder time getting to sleep. The fact that he’d had to take out his own earbuds and could therefore hear the slight echo of Ren’s pulsing EDM was another factor to Hux’s insomnia. He spent a lot of time counting the tiles on the patterned carpet below them, thinking it would lull him into bored sleep. It did not.

Eventually, the stress of having had classes right before driving immediately to the airport and boarding the overnight flight took its toll on Hux, and he passed out with his temple resting on Ren’s shoulder. He woke up to a nudge, a gentle tap on his cheek. He felt warm, so comfortable and warm, that he nuzzled deeper into whatever he was resting on. Another nudge, more insistent. Hux blinked his eyes open with difficulty, unaccustomed to the bright light he was faced with.

“Good morning,” Ren whispered onto Hux’s temple, his voice husky with sleep. The nudge had been from his nose, from a little nuzzle as if Ren had fallen asleep with his face in Hux’s hair. That finally snapped Hux out of his sleepy daze, and he struggled to pull himself up from where he’d inevitably fallen onto Ren’s chest through the night. Oblivious to Hux’s discomfort, Ren jutted his chin out towards the window. “Check it out.”

The sun was rising slowly over the horizon, back from where they were coming from, dyeing the whole ocean of clouds beneath them a sherberty pink. Before them, the world was still an indigo hue, still asleep in the early hours of the morning. Hux exhaled, leaning further over Ren’s chest to get a better view.

“Wow.”

“Beautiful right?”

The fact that Hux could feel Ren’s voice rumble from inside his torso gave him a jolt of pleasure, one he didn’t want Ren to notice. He turned to check to see if Ren had felt it too, and he felt Ren extend his arms up. Hux nodded, trying not to think about how easy it would be to snuggle back up to the warmth under those arms as Ren reached for the ceiling in a languid stretch.

“It is,” he replied weakly as he moved back to adjust into his own seat. Ren relaxed and stayed turned away, but that had been too close for comfort. Hux unbuckled his seatbelt and got up for a bit, just to have a chance to stretch and maybe splash cold water on his face before they started to land. Ren, meanwhile, smiled a bit to himself at the goosebumps he’d felt on Hux’s arm when it had brushed against his own.

* * *

 

It was fucking hot. Already, even in April, even at seven in the morning it was fucking hot. The group was changing clothes in the airport bathrooms, seeking desperate relief from the layers they’d brought for the plane’s chilly air. Mitaka had donned a pastel gradient tiger-stripe top over loose fitting board shorts that he was tying with a drawstring.

“You’re missing half your shirt,” he joked, pointing to Ren’s black crop top.

“Don’t make me hurt you,” Ren replied, ignoring him as he fluffed mousse through his curls in the men’s bathroom mirror. As usual, Mitaka just nodded, making Ren almost feel a little bit guilty. Almost. Hux came out of a stall, however, white blouse crisp and light against his skin and all thoughts of guilt fled Ren’s mind. In fact, Ren completely forgot what he was doing for a moment, and even wondered why his hand was at his hair until Hux frowned at him through the mirror.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I mean it’s mousse. Just…” Ren shrugged, “freshening up.”

“No I mean, what the fuck is it that you’re wearing?” Hux repeated, gesturing to Ren’s bared midriff.

“Don’t be mad,” Ren smirked. He leaned to one side, drawing his skin taut over one hipbone at it sloped down towards the low-slung denim. “It’s free to look.” Mitaka blushed and hurried out of the restroom, and Hux hesitated like he wanted to do the same. Instead, he tucked a stray hair behind his ear and started to apply sunscreen to his arms. “Afraid to crisp up a bit?” Ren asked, giving his hair one last scrunch and then swiping any remaining residue from the mousse on his jean shorts.

“I will burst into actual flames if I go out for five minutes without protection,” Hux confirmed. Ren laughed, then packed his toiletries away and zipped up his bag.

“Better hurry, the taxi bus is taking us to Phaz’s friend’s place in like twenty minutes.”

“Give me a second,” Hux snapped, rubbing lotion into his face as quickly as he could.

“Here, let me help,” Ren insisted, grabbing the tube from him before Hux could protest. He squeezed out a huge dollop onto his palm, then knelt to catch Hux’s calf in his hands. Hux gasped at the sensation, and Ren had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. He dragged his hands along Hux’s skin, methodical and rhythmic, and thought back to what he’d said before about someone having a desperate crush.

As if he’d heard Ren’s thoughts, Hux began to vigorously rub lotion into his arms. It was like he wanted the whole ordeal to be done with. Ren smiled, breathing in the scent of coconut and chemicals, and went to work on Hux’s other leg in the same punishing massage. He wondered absentmindedly if Hux was tensing because the lotion was cold, or because he liked the way Ren dug his thumb into his muscles as he lotioned him down; either way, Ren had to stop himself. He was getting carried away, enjoying this too much. He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and lick the curve of tendon at the back of Hux’s knee, to trace the musculature all the way up to-- Ren stood up abruptly and clapped his hands together, accidentally making Hux flinch.

“Let’s go, Snowflake.”

“Oh, bite me, Strippergram.”

* * *

 

Phasma’s California friend was named Vitas, and Hux intensely disliked her. She had a coarse way of talking, as if she were spitting food at you instead of words, but luckily they only had to deal with her for about an hour in her dirty van on their way to the festival.

It was cramped and uncomfortable. Vitas was bringing along two other friends of hers, who were so disinteresting that Hux forgot their names immediately upon introduction, and Hux breathed an audible sigh of relief when Vitas lamented that they would not be camping together. Phasma had secured them a tent spot, whereas Vitas had a parking spot. They’d be far away enough that at least during the night they’d have some respite from her screeching.

“So I hear you’re big into photography,” Vitas said as she parked, finally turning her attention onto him an hour after meeting him. Hux ignored her, but he heard Ren snicker.

“He’s fantastic,” Mitaka said, the admiration not even an ounce concealed from his voice. “The way he uses light and movement, it’s a very particular style he has.”

“Interesting,” Vitas said in a way that conveyed that it wasn’t, not to her. Hux scowled and gathered his things, hating the way her van smelled of clover and bubblegum.

The walk to their campsite was a pleasant one once they broke away from Vitas and the gang. Spring was giving way to summer, heat rolling in so gradually that even Hux couldn’t ignore its warm embrace. The colors surrounding them were vibrant but not tacky. Installations of sculpture, both metal and inflatable, edged their vision as they walked. Everyone was wearing light, airy clothing that fluttered in the breeze. The sunshine above them glinted off bronzed skin and beaded sweat, and Hux was grateful for Ren’s mocking tone to distract him from the surge of lust he felt in looking out over the ocean of bodies.

“Bet you wish you were missing half your shirt now, eh, Mitaka?”

“I dunno, I don’t think I could pull it off like you,” he answered genuinely.

“Dude, don’t say nice things to me, it makes it harder to pick on you,” Ren sneered.

“That’s the point.”

“Shut up and get your bags ready for inspection,” Phasma ordered, turning around as they sidled up to the security line. Ren got quiet, suspiciously so, and the suddenness made Hux clench his jaw reflexively. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Ren moved a little baggie from the pocket of his backpack to the inside of his low-slung acid-washed cutoffs. He swallowed hard, determined not to say anything. Security moved them through, and they were barely out of line of sight before Ren crowed in victory.

“Easy as fuck,” he laughed, pulling not one, but three bags from what was apparently an inner pocket in his jeans.

“The fuck is that?” Hux demanded.

“Chill out,” Ren said, as if it were the only answer to Hux’s question. Hux sighed, shoved his sunglasses up further on the bridge of his nose, and followed Phasma to their camping spot.

It wasn’t exactly a tent that she unrolled. It was more of a tarp that she installed on some stilts, like it was meant to give some shade or respite from the morning dew. They could stand underneath of it if they hunched over, and she tossed Hux and Ren two sleeping bags from her pack.

“Phasma, I swear to God,” Hux growled. “You said you had a tent.”

“You’re going to be glad there’s no tent, once nine a.m. rolls around tomorrow,” Ren said. “It gets hot out here quick.”

“It’s the desert, you idiot, it gets cold before it gets hot.”

“I’ll keep you warm,” Ren winked. Hux sputtered, ignoring him since he was obviously just trying to get a rise out of him.

“And for privacy?” he demanded. Realizing how that sounded after Ren’s remark, as if he had taken him up on the offer, Hux struggled to stammer out a clarification. None came.

“I brought covers, if it makes you feel any better,” Phasma said, pointing to one of her bags. “Don’t sweat it. This is going to be good.”

“I just don’t-” Hux swallowed his words, cut off by Ren suddenly grabbing him by both his shoulders.

“Hux. I know this is going to be hard for you, but I want you to try, okay?” Ren lifted his sunglasses and pulled them back so that his hair was smoothed away from his face; he did the same to Hux’s. Ren looked at him earnestly, so close that Hux could smell the mousse he’d crinkled into his hair only hours ago. When he spoke, his voice was steady and low. “It’s hard, but I want you to try and reach up, deep inside yourself, and grab that stick you have shoved up your ass-”

Hux shoved him hard, throwing Ren back into the grass where he tumbled like he’d expected the blow. Phasma and Ren laughed, but Mitaka looked frightened.

“Lighten up,” Ren said, his back pressed to the ground even as he laughed. “This’ll be more comfortable, promise you.”

“I just… I don’t like crowds,” Hux said. “I was hoping to have a tent to kind of shut them out, y’know?” The honest admission made him feel small, so he pushed back his shoulders in an attempt to counteract it. Ren was watching him with narrowed eyes.

“I’ve never known you weren’t a fan of crowds,” Ren said. “You seem pretty confident at all our exhibitions?”

“I just worry I’ll get lost in them if I’m in them, I don’t mind them if I’m on stage or presenting something,” Hux answered, not sure why he was being so forthcoming. Maybe it was the way Ren had looked at him so openly before he’d made that joke-- or maybe it was the heat getting to him. He watched as Ren nodded, rolled over, and then began to unpack his bag. Ren lifted out two camelbacks and handed them to Phasma for her to fill at the fountain.

“Look, I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Anytime you get crowd-sick, you tell me,” Ren said from where he was squatting by his duffel bag. “I’ll let you climb on my shoulders.” Hux frowned, not sure if Ren was joking or not. They were practically the same height, the effect would be absolutely ridiculous. Hux knelt on his sleeping bag and tried to ignore how much the idea of having Ren pick him up appealed to him.

* * *

 

The first few hours were easygoing as people arrived in droves. Friday was the simple day, the day before the excitement started, at least to Ren. The festival atmosphere of the first day involved a lot of sun, a lot of people hydrating like they had their shit together, and a lot of walking around. He took the group to the Sahara tent first, but when a group of people started shouting for no reason Ren could see Hux’s eyes go anxious, so they made their way through the crowds back outside.

“Make sure you’re drinking water,” he bent to say in Hux’s ear over the ambient sound of some woman making guttural noises into a microphone onstage.

“Give me some,” Hux answered, pulling at Ren’s water strapped to his back. Before Ren could even give him permission, he was sucking at the tube. “How do you do this?”

“Here, bite it gently, pull it forward in your mouth,” Ren reached forward to hold onto the tube as Hux did as he was told. “Now drink.” Ren was aware of his gaze straying, of how Hux’s throat looked when he swallowed down the water, and of how strongly he was reacting to having Hux do what he told him. Even something so simple as watching him drink water made him react. Ren looked up only when Phasma tapped him on the shoulder.

“We’re gonna grab Vitas,” Phasma said over the music, motioning that her and Mitaka were going to walk away. Ren nodded, not sure if Hux had heard. He didn’t mind. Hux was incredibly cute, decked out in his long-sleeved white cotton shirt and sucking on the camelback greedily. Ren would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking of getting him alone anyway.

“Tired of the crowds yet?” Ren asked Hux when he was done drinking. He put the tube in his mouth to take a gulp himself before Hux drank him dry.

“Yeah, I kind of want to take a break.”

“Here, hop on.” Ren took a knee, and Hux backed away.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Come on, you’ll be able to see so much better!”

“I don’t care,” Hux said, looking uncomfortable. Ren looked around, saw nobody he recognized in the crowd, and capitalized on it. He stood, brought Hux close, and moved his mouth to his ear. He noticed that Hux tilted his head back, as if he expected Ren to kiss him. Ren had to suppress a smirk at that.

“I really don’t like that Vitas girl,” Ren said by his ear.

“Oh? Me neither.”

“I have a proposal, in light of the circumstances.” Hux waited, listening. “I vote you and I break away from Phaz, and just join her up later tonight when the real fun starts happening.” He pulled away, assessed the look of suspicion on Hux’s face, and moved back to the soft skin beneath Hux’s earlobe. “I can take you to some of the less crowded stages, you can see if you can get some shots of the statues they have out by Gobi?” Ren pulled away, smiling. It was so hard not to dance. This setlist was so good, so full of energy. Nervous, but feeling inspired by the music, Ren swayed a bit as he waited for Hux to answer him. Hux looked like he was going to smile but didn’t want to, and it was adorable. “Sound good?” Ren asked, grabbing Hux’s hands and forcing him to move along to the beat. Hux laughed out loud.

“You look like a complete moron!”

“Who cares, nobody knows us out here,” Ren twirled Hux in a circle, then brought him in close to hug him and lean over one shoulder. Hux smelled like the beach and pressed automatically backwards to fit into the curve of Ren’s chest. Ren felt himself vibrating with power, with the ability to make Hux bend even slightly. He smiled against the redhead’s shoulder. “We can do anything we want out here, and it won’t matter.”

“There are cops on horses, Ren, I think you’d get caught doing some things.”

“You’d be surprised,” Ren answered, pulling away to drag Hux to one of the other stages. He pulled out his phone to text Phasma they’d meet her at the ferris wheel in two hours so they could scrounge for dinner. He wasn’t sure if it went through, because he had almost no signal, but he didn’t really care.

Hux wasn’t fond of the statues at Gobi, but he seemed to bloom like a freshly watered plant at the Mojave tent. There were fewer people, and he seemed to delight in taking fifteen minutes to perfectly time several shots of a man throwing poi sticks in the air. Ren watched him, drinking him in, wondering if he was going to be like this the whole weekend. He was more than curious as to how Hux would kick back, _if_ he would kick back. Hux eventually came over to where Kylo was relaxing and sat down beside him on the fake grass.

“Are you bored?” Hux asked.

“No, not at all, I like these guys. Whoever they are,” Kylo grinned. He had come this close to saying he liked watching Hux, but he worried that would make him feel self-conscious.

“I think…” Hux paused, trying to figure out how to word it. “I think I’m done taking pictures for now.”

“Are you enjoying yourself then?” Ren had to laugh at Hux’s immediate expression of contempt for Kylo even asking. “Alright. Want to grab a beer?”

“Yeah.”

They walked over to the beer garden lazily, showing their ID at the gate to get in to the age-restricted area. It was pretty full, being right before dinner and one of the only places to get drunk if you hadn’t snuck in booze yourself. Hux found a free couple of seats by the edge of the enclosure and went to sit. Once Ren bought over their beer, Hux took his with a smile that Ren didn’t recognize. Ren mirrored it automatically, and Hux glanced away with a shielded stare, like he’d been caught.

“Come on,” Ren said, sipping from his plastic cup, “don’t to that.”

“Do what?”

“Stop yourself from having fun with me.” Ren watched Hux stiffen a bit, and he reached into the pocket underneath his camelback to pull out a flask. “I get it, I really do, especially since we’re alone. But you should relax. Here, take a swig.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing illegal. I just don’t feel like paying seven bucks for a drink here every time I want to get a bit of buzz.” Ren held out the flask, waving it in Hux’s direction. The redhead took it, hesitating only once; he unscrewed the top and took a long drink from it.

“Fuck,” Hux sputtered. “I hate warm vodka.”

“Almost as bad as warm beer,” Ren chuckled, taking the flask and tucking it back in the hidden pocket by his water bottle. “If you want more, you let me know.”

“No thank you. I’d prefer sunscreen.”

“What, to drink?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Pardon me,” Ren mocked, slipping his bag off his shoulders. He grinned at his own joke, down into his bag where Hux probably couldn’t see. “I’m sure I have some spray in here somewhere.”

“Why are you being so accomodating?” Hux asked, making Ren pause in his searching through his backpack. “Offering me rides on your shoulders, letting me drink your booze, telling me we can leave the bigger crowds, applying goddamn sunscreen to me. Why go through the effort?”

“I already told you,” Ren said, annoyed that Hux was making him repeat himself. Ren tossed Hux a can of spray sunscreen, and he watched the redhead spritz some over his arms and face. He looked super young when he did that, it was beyond charming. Ren struggled to keep a straight face.

“Did you?”

“I gave you a hint. You keep calling me stupid, but you can’t figure this out for yourself?” Ren laughed cruelly. He was rather enjoying this dance.

“I need a reminder,” Hux admitted once he’d rubbed the sunscreen into the skin around his lips and thought for a moment without any luck.

“Hmm…” Ren swirled his beer around, letting the foam collect a bit around the edges. He watched Hux put the sunscreen back in his bag. “Remember the first time I kissed you?”

“It would be hard to forget.” Hux’s tone was not wistful, it was resentful.

“Tell me about it,” Ren prodded.

“You pushed me. Right up against your charcoal scratch marks,” Hux said without hesitation. Ren glanced up, watching Hux remember, listening as the trace of disgruntlement dropped from his voice. He was staring off in the distance, watching the Ferris Wheel turn against the horizon while he pulled out details of their first kiss. “You used your entire body to make that piece, you worked so hard on the dynamic movement. I watched you put yourself into it. And then you pressed me up against it like it didn’t even matter. I left handprints and everything, and it didn’t matter to you.”

“It mattered,” Ren said gently, not wanting the memory of it to fade from Hux’s eyes. “You ruined it, but you also made it better.”

“Careful, Ren,” Hux warned with a smile, still not looking at him. “People are going to think you have some sort of desperate crush on me.”

“What if I do?” Hux glanced over, his expression horrified. It made Ren laugh out loud. “Would that really be so bad!”

“You can’t.”

“I know.”

“I hate you in _so_ many ways,” Hux insisted.

“I know,” Ren smiled to himself.

“Masochist.”

“Ha! It’s not like that at all. You’re just as much an inspiration as you are a pretentious fuck.”

“Hmm…” the metaphor seemed to please Hux irrationally, even as Ren insulted him. “Explain,” he ordered as he lifted the beer to his lips once more.

“I can’t get complacent around you. Around you, that darkness I cover the canvas with will always be dynamic, always ever-changing. I gotta keep on my toes, what with your ever-critical eye looming over my shoulder and all that. That might be what I like so much about you.” Ren finished off his beer, then stood up. “You ready?”

“Ready for what?” Hux asked, like he both hoped and dreaded the answer.

“To go see the next show at Gobi.” Ren held out his hand. He was surprised when Hux took it and followed him out of the crowd, finishing his beer on the walk and throwing the cup away at the gate.

* * *

 

Hux felt tipsy and sunkissed, a warm combination that made him feel like an ember aglow in the crowd of burning people. He and Ren were swaying with everyone, only slightly dancing. He could feel anxiety on the edge of his vision, but was keeping it pleasantly at bay. However, that (paired with the glow of the sun he was absorbing) made him unstable. He felt on the verge of collapsing, weakness threatening to take over- but he couldn’t be sure in what sense. He tugged on Ren’s shirtsleeve, desperate for a distraction.

“Pick me up.”

Ren didn’t have to be asked twice. He knelt, and Hux straddled his back. Ren lifted him, carried him higher. Hux reached up to the tent ceiling, watched the lights playing off of the canvas. Something in him was telling him that this was not who he was, this was contradictory, but he couldn’t be fucked to listen. What had Ren said, about nobody knowing who they were here? Nothing seemed to matter as much, when he put it that way. After only three songs, though, he hunched over and brought his lips to Ren’s ear.

“I’m hungry.”

Without putting him down Ren started wading through the crowd as the crescendo of the song burst forth. It was amazing, being in charge of him like this. If Ren had wanted to stay and dance, he wasn’t complaining. He was obeying Hux’s whim, immediately. It was a delicious respite from the brooding, sensitive artist Hux had clashed with at their university. When they took the studio out of the equation, Ren was almost… likeable.

Ren walked them through the crowds, and Hux tried to absorb everything so that he could forget that last thought. Luckily, Coachella seemed to offer an overstimulation of the senses now that the sun was setting. There was a fully mechanized, thirty foot tall, robot astronaut walking around, looking like something out of a fever dream, something that shouldn’t exist within their realm of reality. There were floating sculptures, like hot air balloons flying low, skimming over the edge of his vision and making him feel delirious. It sounded like nine artists were performing all at the same time, all with conflicting and cacophonous sounds, some close and some far. The lights, the sounds, the feel of Ren’s back under his stomach; it was overwhelming. And it wasn’t even dark yet.

They met up with Phasma and company for dinner, with Hux dismounting from Ren less than gracefully. He felt the urge to trail his hand along the exposed skin of Ren’s back as he let go, felt like Ren would’ve loved it-- but he felt more exposed than the drama queen beside him wearing a crop top and cutoffs.

He couldn’t begin to explain it. Just knowing that Phasma was around, that she and Mitaka knew him from outside of this heaven and hell of lights and darks, it made Hux less daring. He had a standard to uphold, representing not only himself around them but their club. Secretly, he wished he could shed that part of himself, just as Ren had suggested he do before. He craved being alone with Ren again, yearned for a chance to test out this crush Ren claimed to have. Hux wondered if Ren would kiss him again, if he would try to do more. What were the limits here, if nobody knew who they were?

The problem was, there were people who did know who they were surrounding them. Even when he noticed that Phasma was awfully giggly, usually her tell for being high off her gourd, Hux just couldn’t get past it. Even when Mitaka practically fell asleep at the picnic table, Hux couldn’t be rid of his shell. The fact that he craved becoming nobody so much had him questioning himself.

Hux spent most of their meal -an expensive but delicious one- trying to convince himself that Ren was probably just infatuated with him because Hux was his better. At first, when Hux was still warm from the straight vodka and beer he’d chugged, it was easy to do so. Something like an ego stroke. It began to sound more and more hollow the more his buzz wore off, however. It began to sound like nervous denial. The appeal of staying in his head wore off just as quickly as the alcohol, and Hux tried to distract himself with music instead of thoughts.

The group walked around from tent to tent, Hux losing himself in a few songs and swaying a bit to the music, but otherwise he felt slightly empty. Even though he knew he should be experiencing the festival, his mind was occupied with Ren.

To make matters worse, Ren seemed to not have a care in the world. The asshole was acting like he hadn’t said anything potentially life ruining in the beer garden. He kept dancing stupidly, like normal, like when he had spun Hux before and held him close without having any reason to.

Around ten or so, Hux wasn’t exactly sure, Mitaka had to go to the emergency tent. The idiot hadn’t drunk any water since they’d gotten to the festival, and everyone was less than sympathetic as the night started to wear down and the vodka flask was emptied. Both of Vitas’ nameless friends went with him to get him a hydration drip, while Vitas herself stuck around the trio and rummaged in her bag for something. When the group split, she brought out a little baggie of pills.

“I hear the Sahara tent is going to be spiritual,” she shouted, opening the ziploc and laying one of the tablets on her tongue. Phasma reached for the bag automatically, grabbing out one of the tiny pills and swallowing it down. Vitas offered it to Hux, and he found himself staring at Ren for direction. Ren raised an eyebrow, and then shook his head.

“First night’s always sober for me,” Ren said, “I want to fully experience the depth of the music, with only my mind as the enhancer.” Hux thought his eyes were going to fall out, he rolled them so hard. Ren leaned over, sticking the camelback tube in his mouth. “You shut up and hydrate.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Hux said past the soft tube in his mouth. He was thirsty, though.

“You didn’t have to,” Ren said, pointedly watching Hux’s neck as he swallowed. Hux flushed, realizing slowly that the sensation of Ren recognizing and watching him was vastly different from that of the others knowing who he was. This, he liked.

It took about twenty minutes for them to move through the crowds over to Sahara, where a huge crowd had gathered under the lit canvas tent to see a famous DJ blast EDM over the eager congregation. Ren grabbed Hux’s hand as the crowd pushed forward, a living entity with a mind of its own. Phasma and Vitas were lost to it, panting over the glowsticks and maddening rhythms of the music absolutely submerging them. Hux lost his breath at one point, when the crowd lifted up as if they were all of one mind and then began to jump when the DJ commanded it. It _was_ a weirdly spiritual thing, being sober and yet being completely encapsulated by the crowd mentality. Hux found it terrifying, and beautiful, and harrowing. He vowed he would never admit it to anyone.

When a lull came over the crowd as the mix began to take a new twist, and when Hux was about ready to kick the asshole next to him for stepping on his feet for the twentieth time in the last hour, Ren pulled  him to the side. Hux followed, not like he had many choices when Ren had him by the wrist. They waded to a more shallow part of the crowd, where drunk people swayed and couples danced on the frayed edges between tents when they couldn’t decide which artist they wanted to see more.

Hux went to ask what they were doing, but Ren whirled him around and pushed him up against one of the tent support poles. In a second, Ren was kissing him, his lips pressed against Hux’s and tasting of salt and slightly like the rubber of the camelback. Hux pulled away at first, agonized at this being in public. He kept thinking to how he’d gripped onto Ren so desperately in the studio the first time, how frantic he’d been for more, how he’d had to end it before they’d gotten carried away. How could people watch that, how could he let people see that?

But Ren didn’t push Hux any further. He stood there, seemingly content to tease Hux with soft caresses in tempo to the music that crashed against them in wave after wave. It began to pick up, and Hux felt Ren’s leg between his thighs. He opened them for Ren, let him press closer, and even reached his hands up to grab the skin of the back he’d been teased with all day. When Hux pulled him back into an insistent kiss, Ren groaned against his mouth, and Hux had never felt more powerful.

The tempo shifted once more, their kiss matching pace, Ren’s hands tangled in Hux’s hair, Hux’s hands in the waistband of Kylo’s pants, their palms grazing the last droplets of sunshine from each other’s skin as the lights of the night shifted and glossed over them in an anonymous bath of divinity. They could be anyone, making out in the corner as the bass dropped, and it was all the drug they needed. Hux rode the high, grabbing Kylo fiercely when the feverpitch of the music reached a crescendo and fell away from them, leaving them feeling like the pit of their stomachs had dropped out. Hux deepened the kiss, felt incandescent when Kylo respond in kind by slamming him harder against the support pole in his desperation.

Hux wished to god they had a tent they could go back to, wished they had privacy to finish what they were starting. But it was going to be three days of this torture, of having Ren so close and knowing that he would do whatever Hux wanted if he only asked, without a space for them to release any of it. He knew he should stop, should slow things down before he grew too infatuated with the sensation, but Hux found it impossible with the way Ren’s warm tongue grazed against his. Growing more daring, testing his boundaries, Hux moved his hand from where it was gripping Ren’s ass and trailed it along his hipbone until Ren reached down and caught his hand to stop him. He dragged his mouth from Hux’s, moved it to his ear.

“If you really want to jerk me off here in front of everyone, I won’t stop you,” Ren warned, “So you’d better be careful where you put your hands.”

“You’d let me do that to you?” Hux shouted by his ear, afraid he’d hurt Ren’s eardrum but more frightened that he wouldn’t hear the question. In answer, Ren pulled back and searched Hux’s face for a reaction. Sensing no hesitation, Ren moved Hux’s hand forward, past the front of his boxer’s, never breaking eye contact. Hux looked away first, looked towards the sea of people moving and growing ever more frantic as the DJ led them to yet another crest. They were searching, just like Ren, for immediate release. Hux, like the man at the podium in front of the throng of people, held all of the power within the palm of his hand.

He was lucky Ren liked his cutoffs loose and low slung. It gave Hux enough access to slip his hand around his massive erection (had he seriously gotten this hard just from kissing?) but still left very little wiggle room, so to speak. Before Hux had time to evaluate what he was doing, Ren was kissing him again. Hux faded back into himself, his own obvious arousal pressing hard into the front of his khaki cargos and against Ren’s thigh. Ren began to move against him in long, slow gyrations, his hands roaming over Hux’s body as he used Hux’s hand for his own pleasure. The music swelled, the pace quickened, Ren’s tongue found entrance into Hux’s mouth, tangled with his, and Hux felt as if he were the one steadily approaching a public orgasm instead of Ren.

As if he could sense it, Ren slowed down. He kissed him more lightly as the crescendo hit and faded, ground less aggressively into Hux’s palm as the music tempo changed with the mix. His teeth let go of Hux’s lip (even though Hux didn’t remember him biting it to begin with) and his ragged breath drew a line from Hux’s mouth down to his neck as if he were taking a break and steeling himself for the next onslaught of an attack.

“I don’t want you to finish like this,” Hux said with difficulty. He did want Ren to finish, desperately. He wanted it to the point where it physically hurt. However. “Not in front of everyone. Not tonight.”

“Why not?” Ren asked, curious but obedient.

“I’d like it way too much,” Hux answered, his voice steady and raw. Ren’s cock throbbed in his hand, as if he loved that idea more than the idea of his own orgasm. Before he could get carried away, Hux pulled his hand from Ren’s waistband and slid it along the length of his abdomen. “Just kiss me,” he said against Ren’s mouth. “Slow. Build me up.” Ren moved in as if to obey him, but Hux moved back slightly so that he could add, “And maybe I’ll reward you later.” Ren groaned in delicious agony, circling his hips near Hux’s.

“Anything you want, and nothing you don’t,” Ren said, dragging his mouth to Hux’s ear to make sure he heard him. And then he had captured Hux’s mouth again in a languid kiss, as if to reassure Hux that he wouldn’t regret the decision. The music peaked, burst forth in a glittering arc of lasers and fog, and Hux swore he heard the lyrics, _I need this_ , but he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t in his head.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Day One. If you're curious, no, the nighttime sleeping arrangement won't allow for much this first night so you aren't missing anything. Just some uncomfortable tossing and turning on Hux's part because Ren can apparently will himself to sleep like nobody's business. Freaking meditating asshole, amirite?
> 
> Song inspo for the final scene varies! I'm a big [Seven Lions fan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnlYdnI3OTQ), though. So take that as you will.
> 
> Thank you as always to [Kaitlyn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitealyn) for reading through and encouraging me to sin harder and in more detail.


	2. Day Two, First Half: The Chorus

Ren woke up too warm. Even without the blanket, which he had apparently tossed to the side in his sleep, he was sweltering under the patch of sun that had crept under the poor excuse for a tent. He rolled over, groaning, and checked his watch.

“Time to get up,” Phasma said, her voice peppy and apparently already caffeinated. Ren glared up at her.

“Where’d you get coffee from?”

“Vitas.”

“She stopped by?”

“No, I uh,” Phasma shrugged noncommittally. “I spent the night with her.” Ren stared, mouth turned down in a frown that called bullshit.

“I would’ve noticed if you didn’t come back to the tent.”

“Well, obviously not,” Phasma avoided, bringing a thermos with a monogrammed V up to her lips. “Because I didn’t.”

Ren bit his lip, mulling it over. He had gotten back to the tent after the last show, painfully hard, desperate for release. He’d laid down, tried to continue the kiss where they had left off in the Sahara tent, but Hux had stopped him. “Phasma will come back,” Hux had said. Ren glared up at the blonde. He’d stopped everything because of her possibly, maybe coming back. He could’ve had Hux melting in his arms, the slow build-up making him less prone to backtalk. Ren struggled to find something to ask Phasma, because the only thing that came to mind at the moment was “what the fuck”, and that wouldn’t do.

To her credit, Phasma seemed unphased. She was changing, grabbing a new tank top from her bookbag and changing without qualms as to who could see her. Her silver metallic sports bra could be an outfit in and of itself. When she pulled the red tank over her torso, Ren cleared his throat.

“Will you be gone tonight too?”

“Probably.”

“Alright then.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Just means we won’t wait up for you,” Ren turned over to where Hux was curled up in a ball, a poncho-liner blanket pulled over his shoulders. Ren had fallen asleep pretty quickly after Hux had told him no, but he wondered if the redhead had stayed up. He didn’t seem the type to sleep in unless he was extremely tired-- or pretending to sleep until Phasma left.

“Are you two feeling alright?”

“Yeah. Ready for day two. Just give us a second.”

“Okay. I’m going over to the main stage, I’ll see you there?” Phasma said as she stood.

“Yep. Oh, by the way, Phaz,” Ren shouted as she waded through the other tents and brushed past people who were blearily stumbling out of their sleeping bags. The tall blonde half-turned. “Where’s Mitaka?”

“Allergic reaction to the IV drip. Got put up in a local motel after he got taken to the hospital. They figured heat would only make the rash worse.”

“Poor bastard,” Ren winced. Phasma scoffed and pushed her sunglasses up further on her nose. Ren was left there, his hip touching the back of Hux’s thigh. He heard the distant sound of bands warming up, of people cheering, of crowds beginning to move. Ren closed his eyes, breathing the warm air in deeply. He opened them, memorizing the curves of Hux’s neck as it lead to his shoulder. It was a delicious-looking slope; he had a vague tan-line forming from where his blouse hung open. Ren took the airy white fabric between his index and middle finger and moved it further off of Hux’s shoulder, exposing more skin.

“Just because you like me doesn’t mean you get a free shot at being a creep,” Hux murmured. Ren sensed a lack of recrimination there, and so he shoved his hand into the front of Hux’s blouse to run his thumb across the muscles in his chest. Hux reared back, acting like he was going to elbow Ren in the face, but stopped at the last minute. “Phasma’s gone?”

“She’s gone,” Ren leaned down to confirm. He skimmed his fingers across Hux’s chest, exploring gradually. Hux relaxed under his touch. Sleepy, malleable, easily persuaded; Ren decided that freshly woken Hux was his favorite so far. Ren’s thumb brushed across Hux’s nipple, and Hux’s back curved automatically into Ren’s chest.

“You’re such a tease,” Hux complained.

“I can stop teasing if you want,” Ren said, dropping his lips to Hux’s neck. “I would gladly do more.” Hux groaned. Ren felt eyes on him, glanced up. Three girls across the way, brushing on makeup in the mid-morning sun. They were trying to act like they hadn’t noticed the two men cuddling, but the way their brushes would idly trace the same lines over and over clued Ren into the idea that maybe they weren’t just watching their reflections in their compact mirrors. “Hux, can I ask you something?”

“By asking that, you already did,” Hux sneered.

“What’s your thing?”

“My thing?”

“Mmm. Like, some people like to get bitten,” as if to illustrate his point, Ren dragged his teeth across Hux’s shoulder that he had exposed. Hux shuddered deeply. “Some people like feet.”

“I never did quite understand that,” Hux answered, but he didn’t sound averse.

“So are feet your thing?” Ren asked, shocked.

“No, not at all. I’d prefer to stay away from them, actually.” Hux leaned back, then flinched as he came into contact with Ren’s stiff erection right on the back of his thighs. Hux probably thought he was being subtle, throwing the blanket backwards over Ren to hide their connection. Ren smirked. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve never thought about it,” Hux answered lamely. Ren glanced up, saw one girl’s compact lowering slightly. He pulled his wrist to the side, exposing Hux’s chest further as he smoothed his palm over the pale skin. The girl’s hand faltered. “What’s yours?” Hux murmured, his voice thick as if under hypnosis.

“Me? Oh,” Ren grinned toothily against Hux’s shoulder. “I like being watched.”

He half-expected Hux to freeze, to throw him off. Ren was fully prepared to back off, to withdraw his hand and spend the rest of the morning trying to make it up to Hux. The redhead didn’t move, seemed to be letting the statement sink in.

“Like last night?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Do you do this at school, too?”

“It’s… harder at school,” Ren confessed, his hands slowing in their conquest. “I don’t want anything getting to anyone so I have to be… creative.”

“Like going out of town?”

“Mmm, sometimes.” Ren’s throat felt dry. “Does this bother you, or does it interest you?” He swallowed hard when Hux turned in his arms to face him. They got comfortable, Hux hooking his leg into Ren’s. His eyes were bright, awake. His hair was disheveled, sleep-mussed. Ren wanted to kiss him, but he wanted an answer to his question even more. Before this continued, he had to know for sure.

“Is this a necessity, or is it like dessert?”

“What do you mean?”

Hux sighed, annoyed to have to voice it out loud. Behind him, the girls had lost interest. Ren refocused on the man in his arms.

“Do you need to be watched to get off, or is it just an extra fun thing you like? Like food is necessary to live, but you don’t _have_ to eat dessert, understand?”

Ren paused, glancing over the details in Hux’s face. His jaw was clenched, his upper lip tight so as to hide the snarl he made when he was angry or feeling vulnerable. His eyes were unsure, bright blue in the yellow haze of the day. He was beautiful when he bristled. Ren stroked a long line down Hux’s spine and watched his eyes flutter shut under the caress.

“It’s dessert, especially with someone like you,” Ren said, bringing his lips to Hux’s forehead as his hand drew Hux’s hips to his own. Hux gasped at the contact. Ren chuckled. “I’d be doing this even if we were in a hotel room all to ourselves in fucking… Alaska.”

“Tch,” Hux made a small noise. “Why Alaska?”

“Pretty northern lights? I don’t know, I’m done talking,” Ren said, using the hand not securely gripping Hux’s ass to tilt the redhead’s chin up for a kiss. The pulse of music behind them, the chorus of talking, it surged through Ren in a crackling wave. He ground his hips in slow, graceful circles against Hux’s almost immediate hard-on. There was a snap, plastic against the ground, and Ren broke the kiss just in time to glance up and see the girls across the way trying to look busy. He smiled faintly, his eyes heavy with purpose. “Turn around.”

“Why?”

“We’re going to see if your thing is being watched too,” Ren whispered. He took in Hux’s meek expression for a millisecond before roughly pushing his shoulder and yanking his hips back. Hux was once again the little spoon. “So tell me,” Ren purred as he brought one arm under Hux’s head to cradle his neck, bringing the other to start undoing the buttons of his blouse. “Will you close your eyes? Or will you keep them open, take it all in?”

“I thought you were done talking,” Hux said, his jaw tight.

“Oh, forgive me,” Ren said, pulling Hux’s shoulder free once more. The girls across the way were distracted, but one of them paused with a glance over. One of them had a book out, the other two had sunglasses on that reflected their image back to Ren. He fancied that he could see Hux’s harrowed expression in the pink-tinted lenses, but it was probably just his imagination. Ren slipped Hux’s blouse open, and automatically the redhead’s hand went to yank the covers back over himself. Ren stopped immediately. “Not enjoying yourself?” Ren asked.

“No I- it’s not that.”

“We can stop,” Ren insisted.

“I don’t want to stop,” Hux immediately rebounded.

“Ah.” Ren paused, nuzzling his shoulder. “So… pulling the blanket up…”

“Just a force of habit,” Hux answered. Ren watched, agonized, as Hux’s shaky hands gripped the hem of the blanket. As if he had counted to three before forcing himself, Hux threw the blanket away. One of Ren’s hands was at Hux’s throat, tilting his chin back so that Ren could gain access to his elongated throat to suck on. “Ph-Phasma won’t come back, will she?” Hux whispered, fear gripping his voice. Ren paused, tongue halfway connected to Hux’s jugular. The pulse there was erratic. He was genuinely concerned.

“No. She won’t come back.”

“With strangers, it’s…” Hux trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say.

“I know. Believe me, I know,” Ren whispered. Hux shuddered, and tilted his head back in supplication. Ren answered his prayer, drawing his lips gently over Hux’s until he elicited a moan from the redhead’s chest. This entire time, Ren’s hands were traveling. He covered expanses of uncharted skin, making mental maps for spots that Hux responded to the loudest. His moans were small, barely audible; his breaths were ragged, raw. Ren wanted to give him release, but how could he when Hux was so cute when he was teased?

The answer to his question came in the form of a tentative hand slipped into Ren’s cutoffs.

“So impatient,” Ren laughed. Before Hux could speak, he slipped his own hand into Hux’s pants. Just the trace of his long fingers, just a bit of play along the hem of his boxers, but it had Hux whimpering. Hux’s hands clenched, the one wrist becoming tangled up at an awkward angle in Ren’s jeans, so much so that he had to pull it free. Ren kissed his earlobe, tracing figure eights along the lines of muscles in Hux’s stomach. He glanced up. The one girl was still immersed in her book, one was pretending to text. The third, however… her mouth hung open slightly, parted as if she had experienced the kiss Ren had planted on Hux’s shoulder. She would be perfect; she’d give Hux everything he’d need.

“Ren,” the man in his arms begged, not even sure what he was asking for.

“I need you to open your eyes,” Ren whispered. “Be subtle, but look across from you. We’ve got a taker.”

“What?”

“See her watching you?”

“Y-you’re putting me on display-”

“I am.” Ren slid his hand in deeper, cupping Hux fully. Hux’s words of protest were lost, his gasp and subsequent sigh seemingly carried on the wind to the girl across the way. She shuddered visibly at Hux’s pleasure. It seemed to amplify it for the redhead, making him groan. People passed by, walking to and from tents, getting ready to go back out or to sleep, but nobody paid any attention. Ren watched the hypnotized girl, savored the moment. These were rare, as far as moments went. He was interrupted in his musings when Hux bucked up into his hand and Ren felt true desperation.

“Please.”

“Please what?” Ren asked.

“I don’t know.” Hux’s voice was small, and Ren leaned forward to see if he was looking. He was, albeit through slitted eyes. Ren began to stroke, each motion deliberate and slow. Hux turned into Ren’s arm, bit down on the thick biceps. Ren’s hips matched each stroke of his hand, teasing Hux’s ass with a glaring reminder that Ren was enjoying this too. Hux’s breathing was coming quicker and quicker, even though Ren’s hand was slow and steady. Ren tightened his hold on the redhead, bringing his neck closer.

“She’s watching you. Close your eyes. Feel it.” Hux whimpered in response, and Ren knew he was doing as ordered. Ren cleared his throat gently, feeling a crescendo within himself as well. He slowed his hips, and Hux let out a cry into the crook of Ren’s arm. “Shh. I’ve got you,” Ren whispered. “Shall I describe her to you?” Hux paused, then nodded. Ren licked the soft skin beneath Hux’s ear, gave a huffing laugh when Hux’s hair tickled his nose. “She’s sitting on the lawn chair across from her friends, one of whom has no idea what we’re doing. The other doesn’t want to seem interested. This one, though,” Ren nodded at her, an eyebrow quirked. She tilted her chin up. “She appreciates you.” Hux was moving, lithe twists and turns as Ren’s hands tortured him. Ren’s free hand was at the perfect angle to gently tease at Hux’s exposed nipple. “She’s our age. Nobody we know. She keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs, thinking she’s subtle. She likes what she sees.” Hux groaned. “Does that excite you? Knowing that a complete stranger is watching you get off, and is licking their lips?”

“Ren. Slow down, I’m going to-”

“I know,” Ren said, slowing his hand to a stop. “I bet I can feel it before you can.”

“That’s…” Hux wisely cut off his remarks, Ren’s hand clamped tight on his cock to remind him to think before he lied out loud. Instead of refuting what Ren said, Hux shivered.

“I thought so.” Ren began stroking again.

“Wait. You didn’t give me any break-”

“Who said I was giving you a break?”

“I’m gonna-”

“Yes,” Ren nuzzled into Hux’s hair, breathing in the smell of his sweat and sunscreen and cologne that felt too expensive in his nostrils. “You’re going to finish right here in the open.” Hux let out a cry that made Ren feel giddy. Ren sensed that if he commented further, it would ruin the illusion, so he merely brushed his lips against Hux’s neck until he felt Hux grow slightly harder, tenser. Ren bit down, moaning into Hux’s neck as the redhead came in his hand, biting Ren back to muffle the noise of his orgasm. Ren listened for words on the tail end of Hux’s euphoria, but true to his nature the control-freak came with tense groans instead of breathless praise. Ren tried not to admit to himself what he had hoped to hear the first time he gave Hux an orgasm.

It seemed heavier, then, that this had been the first one he’d pulled from Hux. Ren hugged him close, keeping his hand around Hux’s cock as it relaxed in his palm. They lay there, Ren gently detaching his teeth from Hux’s neck and planting soft kisses over the spot he knew would bruise, up until Hux’s breathing turned steady again.

“Ugh,” was the first thing that Hux said.

“You… didn’t like it?” Ren felt a small kind of panic well in his chest, nerves that dulled the world around them. He watched listlessly as the three girls moved out towards the food area. He frowned, staring at the pillow past Hux’s ear.

“I liked it,” Hux said, groaning as he repositioned himself so that he was laying on his back, Ren’s hand still stuck under his khakis. “But next time, I’m coming in your mouth. Less mess.”

Ren, for once, was speechless. He simply nodded as Hux extricated himself, thinking of how luxurious that would be and hoping that it was a promise.

* * *

 

Dressing was actually more embarrassing than coming in public, Hux thought to himself. He felt inexplicably like he should be under the blankets again, changing there as if he were at a sleepover surrounded by other teens that were also ashamed of their bodies. But no, it was just Ren near him-- and the gigantic jerk had no problem stripping. Of course he wouldn’t. Hux let his gaze wander over Ren’s chest, down to his abs, lower to his impossibly straining erection.

“Do you need me to-” Hux cut himself off, blushing. He frowned angrily against the offer he’d made, resenting how it made him sound so young, so inexperienced. Ren smiled, pulling on a tank cut from a shirt three sizes too big, his sides exposed. Its hem caught on his hard-on, and he yanked the fabric free with a small laugh as he pulled on his jean shorts.

“No, you’re fine,” Ren said, biting his lip over at Hux appreciatively.

“Hmm.” Hux turned his back, dreading the moment he had to change his underwear. He sighed, stripping without allowing himself a moment to think. People walked by, not caring. Hux pulled the clothes he’d set out onto himself quickly, stepping into white shorts and pulling a lilac t-shirt over his head. When he felt Ren’s lips on his forehead, Hux realized that he had kept his eyes squeezed shut the whole time.

“You’re cute.”

Hux’s eyes snapped open. He glared at Ren, not believing that this was the same kid who’d screamed at him in the studio when Hux had called his art reminiscent of a toddler’s fingerpainting. Ren seemed to be unphased, because he moved over to his backpack.

“I’m going to go fill up the camelback. You want to go grab us some breakfast?”

“Sure,” Hux said, turning his eyes to the ground.

“Anything with eggs and veggies will do,” Ren said. Hux left before he could allow the situation to sink in. Passing by his discarded khakis, he grabbed his wallet from the pocket and was gone in the opposite direction as Ren.

As he walked, Hux tried to recall the Ren he hated. This Ren, he was so sweet, so gentle. The way he’d guided Hux into his orgasm-- Hux shuddered, dreadfully close to getting hard again. He stopped himself, remembered the way that Ren had thrown a tantrum in art history class when Hux had demanded they spend less time on an artist Ren admired.

Hux got in line at the first stand he saw, deliberately not allowing himself to scout out the area to give Ren what he wanted. In Hux’s mind, if he sought out what Ren had asked for, it would be like an admission of reciprocation. It would be cute. The compliment made his lip curl.

Ren hadn’t thought this of him before, had he? He couldn’t have. They fought constantly, at each other’s throats on group projects, in the studio, and even when they ran into each other in the cafeteria commons. Hux was grateful the line was moving slowly, for once happy for delayed customer service, because it gave him a minute to suffer in silence. He needed that, especially after the delirious orgasm he’d just had.

His cock jumped at the memory. He dragged his hands over his face, almost worried that people around him could tell from his expression just how he’d enjoyed himself moments ago. The thought was inexplicably refreshing, like jumping into a cold swimming pool after a day of sweating in heat. The clarity it afforded him, however, had Hux running in mental circles.

Ren hadn’t wanted to finish yet. Hux hadn’t allowed him to last night, had been too worried about Phasma or Mitaka coming back and finding him compromised--

The line moved up one person. Hux ran his hands through his hair, found it curling slightly in the heat. That was the crux, wasn’t it? He felt like he was compromised. Less in charge, melting at his rival’s touch. Ren was the one with the power, had confessed his feelings and taken the lead. And Hux had begged for it. Knowing that, Hux found a renewed sense of direction. He felt lighter, his posture straightening instinctively. He was going to enjoy today, not just because he suddenly realized he recognized the artist on the main stage nearby. No. He was going to enjoy it because he was going to find out what Ren’s true thing was today.

One more person got their order. Hux was five people away, but he still didn’t feel hungry. He had to take a piss, and he had to put on sunscreen. The logic of his normal thoughts was returning, he was happy to note. He smiled to himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think Ren liked being watched. But there had to be something more. It wasn’t like his rival to confess himself, that had been a power play for sure. Hux was positive that Ren was holding some cards close to his chest, and the thought of peeking at those secrets gave Hux a shudder of pleasure. Four people away. He was close enough to note what the food stand was, now. He blinked, then laughed out loud. It was a stand of gourmet breakfast burritos, each one of them containing eggs and vegetables.

Hux returned a few minutes later with a burrito in each hand. He allowed himself to rake his gaze over Ren’s back, liking how the muscles looked therein as Ren was stretched forward and sitting cross legged on the middle of their tarp.

“Here,” Hux said, sitting next to him and extending a burrito. “Eggs, feta, peppers, olives.”

“Ooh.” Ren looked up, a wolfish grin on his face. “Give me a bite.”

“Just take it.”

“I can’t, my nails are still wet.” Ren lifted his fingers, showed Hux his black fingernails with a satisfied wiggle. Hux made a face.

“What are you, twelve?”

“If you’re jealous I can paint yours too.” Ren leaned forward, his mouth slightly open. “Feed me.”

Hux swallowed automatically at the sentence, knew Ren saw. But he said nothing, much to Hux’s relief. Ren licked his lower lip, and Hux wished he could take his picture with him posed just like this. The piercings in his eyebrow reflected tiny glints of light, his eyes were bright with hunger, and his bright blue tank top complemented the start of a bronze tan he’d gotten yesterday. Hux leaned forward, unable to help himself, and kissed Ren’s open mouth.

Allowing himself a moment to indulge in Ren’s desperate moan, Hux traced the line that Ren’s own tongue had made on his lips. He pressed forward, feeling a bit guilty at how he’d come down from his orgasm, hoping to make it up to Ren in this moment. He was appreciative. He was grateful. He wanted more.

Ren broke away, breathless.

“It’s not fair.”

“What isn’t?” Hux asked, brow furrowing as he struggled to force himself to open his eyes. In his mind, if he kept them closed, Ren would kiss him again.

“We can’t hold each other,” Ren chuckles, gesturing to his wet fingernails and the burritos that were very close to leaking in Hux’s hands. Hux sighed.

“I guess we should eat then.” He extended one of the two identical burritos to Ren, who bit off a mouthful and groaned not unlike when Hux had kissed him.

“So good,” he said as he chewed.

“Swallow before you speak,” Hux grimaced, taking a bite of his own. It was so good, he had to admit. He sighed happily. He hadn’t realized he was hungry until the sauce hit his tongue.

“I promise I will in the future,” Ren said. For a moment it didn’t dawn on Hux that he was still flirting until he glanced up and caught Ren’s wink.

“Who even are you?” Hux said after he swallowed his mouthful.

“What do you mean?”

“You are so fucking chill.” He shrugged. “At school, you’re very dark.”

“I…” Ren paused. His expression changed, fading to one slightly more familiar. It was the neutral contemplative look that he put on when he was caught in something. His lips twitched, but he said nothing. Hux looked away, uncomfortable for some reason with the idea of making Ren feel pinned under his gaze. It had never bothered him before, but doing it to this Ren was… painful.

“Eat,” Hux ordered. Ren mechanically leaned forward, obeying as Hux brought his burrito to Ren’s mouth. It was a smaller bite this time, chewed more slowly. Hux forced himself to focus elsewhere. He listened out for the artist he’d recognized, a cute little girl who looked like she was a teenager but was actually in her twenties. She played a teenager on a sitcom meant for preteens, he was almost positive, but couldn’t exactly recall her name. He knew he liked this song, though.

“I feel different here,” Ren said. “Different than at school.”

“How so?” Hux asked, still staring off towards the skyline of the desert and palm trees, towards the ferris wheel that he suddenly desperately wanted to be on top of.

“At school, I get to draw out the darkest parts of my experience. Like a catharsis. I focus in on the dark side of myself.” Ren sighed, huffed a slow breath onto his fingernails through pursed lips.

“And here?” Hux pressed.

“Here is different,” Ren shrugged. “Here, I feel pulled to the light.” He looked up with a distraught expression, one so genuine that Hux felt his heart flutter in his chest. “Do you… not like this version of me?”

Hux realized as his lips parted that he was getting what he wanted. He was gaining a foothold. He had a chance to climb up above Ren and knock him down to where he belonged. He allowed himself a slow smile.

“Who said I liked either version?” he murmured.

“Do you?”

“I don’t know.” He did. He knew it implicitly, felt the rush of it spreading through his veins like cold saline. He wanted to kiss Ren again, wanted to push him down and lick the bite mark that he’d left on Ren’s arm. Ren’s expression, however, was one of resigned detachment.

“Maybe I can help you figure it out over the course of the day,” he mumbled. Hux gave a small laugh before he could stop himself.

“I’d like to see you try,” he said honestly. It was more than that, though; he loved to see Ren try. Ren’s confidence was still there, Hux saw it flaring up momentarily when the brunette raised his eyes to Hux’s own. He was regaining himself. Time to act.

Hux tilted his head, glancing down at Ren’s other arm.

“I’d like to give you a mark to match on the other side,” Hux hinted. Ren caught his full meaning, his mouth parting automatically for the kiss he expecting to come. Instead, Hux pushed the breakfast burrito to his lips. “Finish eating, you crybaby.”

“I’m not crying,” Ren tried to say, but Hux just pressed the food harder into his face. Exasperated, Ren gave up and bit down, and Hux allowed himself a mouthful as well. As they chewed, the corner of Ren’s lips touched with sauce, Hux thought about how much fun he was going to have.

* * *

 

Ren was in agony, was being torn apart. Hux was just distant enough to tantalize him, but close enough to remind Ren of everything he’d allowed Ren to do. After they had lathered sunscreen over their bodies, Ren paying so much attention to Hux’s shoulders that Hux had to tell him to lay off, they had walked over to the main tent. Hux was certain he recognized the singer, which surprised Ren slightly.

“I would have thought you only listened to classical music,” he teased. “Some Hannibal Lecter shit, holed away in your darkroom swaying to some symphony.”

“Fuck off,” Hux spat. “I have a radio in my car. I listen to pop songs sometimes.”

“Like when your mp3 player’s batteries die? Or you forget your phone in the dorms?”

“Ugh,” Hux replied. But Ren knew almost for a fact that this was the case. Hux was not one to rely on the random chance of radio, just hoping that something would come on that he liked. No, Ren thought fondly. Hux was the type to control every element, just like he did with his photos. He was patient, deliberate, and calm. God, Ren wanted him.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Hux warned.

“Like what?” Ren frowned.

“Like you’re some randy teenager desperate to hold my hand,” Hux rolled his eyes. Ren smirked.

“We should do that,” he said, moving up behind Hux to press their hips together as they moved further into the ocean of people. “Also, my sunglasses are reflective, you asshole. You can’t see how I’m looking at you.”

“I know how you are anyway,” Hux spat. “You’re not as mysterious as you think.”

“I should just start to wear a mask around you,” Ren joked. They were swaying to the beat, he realized, dancing together to the song Hux apparently did know. The redhead laughed.

“I’d still know you,” Hux chuckled, his voice loud and unashamed as they moved together in the crowd. They were surrounded, pressed close. Ren moved to allow another, shorter couple in front of him and Hux, recognized that two tall men were probably not the most fun to be directly behind.

Another couple? When had he started thinking of them as a couple? He shook his head, feeling that confused pull once again. The university Hux was cold, precise, and Ren loved watching him bristle and rage. Coachella Hux was melting, though, in more ways than one. The sunshine, combined with the music, the colors, the anonymity-- Hux was still himself, but warmer to the touch.

“Will you avoid me, when we go back to school?”

Hux stopped dancing, turned to Ren in surprise. Ren watched as Hux registered his own expression of horror in Ren’s reflective lenses. He fumbled to bring his expression to neutral, and it made Ren’s chest feel too tight. Hux hadn’t moved Ren’s hands from where they were caught in the belt loops of his white denim.

“I couldn’t avoid you at school before this,” Hux said, frowning and saying it slowly as if Ren were an idiot. “It will be utterly impossible after this, I’m afraid.”

“And why’s that?”

Ren didn’t care that Hux could tell what he wanted, could tell how desperate he was for confirmation. He had to know, it was killing him slowly. Hux moved forward, his lips at Ren’s cheek, and brought his arms up to drape around Ren’s neck. Ren match the slow gyration of his hips, feeling like a kid at a school dance, glaringly aware that they were anything but.

“Because,” Hux whispered over the pulsing beat, “now I know exactly how sweet you can be.” Ren felt his knees grow weak, felt Hux register his reaction in the way his fists clenched over the blue fabric of his tank. “Hmm,” Hux breathed, “You like that? Being told how much I appreciate this side of you?”

Ren nodded, breathless.

“You know I like you back, right?” Hux asked, the question sounding more like a demand than anything. Ren shook his head, relishing the slight brush of stubble he raked across Hux’s still-soft cheek. Hux scoffed. “You’re so stupid sometimes.”

“Tell me more,” Ren murmured.

“About how stupid you are?” Hux asked. Ren laughed out loud, glancing up at the stage where the young girl dressed in neon demanded that she be given what she wanted. The crowd was excited, alive. He felt centered, somehow. Hux pulled away just slightly so that he could look at Ren’s glasses again. “You’re so stupid to think I could ever ignore you to begin with.”

“You didn’t exactly seem happy about not being able to.”

“You’re very frustrating, you have to know that.”

“I dunno, you seem to think I’m stupid, so don’t be surprised if I just don’t know certain things.” Ren nipped at Hux’s nose, pulled away with the taste of sunscreen on his tongue. “You might have to spell some things out for me.”

“Like how awkward of a dancer you are?” Hux smirked. In answer, Ren swung his hips wildly and began to throw Hux around with him. “No, don’t,” Hux laughed. The sound was so beautiful, and Ren was so unaccustomed to it, that he automatically mirrored it just as he had done with Hux’s smile in the beer garden. He laughed in abandon when Hux moved and jumped on his back, almost knocking him down into the shorter couple.

“You win, I yield,” Ren protested with a huge smile when he felt Hux’s hands at his face. He bounced to readjust Hux higher up on his back.

“Give me these,” Hux demanded, pulling the glasses off of Ren’s ears. He put them on his own face, leaned around so that Ren could see. “How do I look?” he asked.

Ren looked at him, seeing his own eyes reflected slightly blue in the chromatic mirrors. Hux was smiling, his hair mussed and wild. Ren watched his own face smile fondly, watched this part of him follow Hux into the light.

“You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever seen,” Ren said. Hux laughed out loud, hitting Ren’s chest with his open hand.

“Damn straight.”

* * *

 

After the main stage cleared, they met momentarily with Vitas and Phasma. Hux had crawled off of Ren at that point, was walking by his side while insisting on keeping Ren’s glasses. Phasma and Hux shared an immediate look. It was one of, “Don’t ask me, and I won’t ask you.” Hux pretended not to notice that Phasma was holding Vitas’ waist, and she in turn overlooked the fact that Hux’s hand was forearm was draped lazily over Ren’s shoulder.

“Where to next?”

The day was a blur. Whereas yesterday was an acclimation, today was full surrender. Music was constant, and the group of four walked to each tent with a sense of devotion to these artists they weren’t invested in. Hux reasoned it must have been the sea of people surrounding them at every turn. After a while, one became accustomed to letting their reactions dictate one’s own. He liked it, he’d found. He liked it when Ren danced with him in that goofy way of his. He liked it when Phasma knew the lyrics to a song and shouted it above the crowd to the heavens. He liked it when Ren would lose himself in a crescendo and close his eyes, drop his head back, and afford Hux a good look at his exposed throat. Hux spent hours this way, immersed and appreciative.

Midday, they went back to the tent. Hux needed to reapply sunscreen and Ren told them that he had a surprise for them. The desire to both roll his eyes and press his body into Ren’s was making Hux dizzy. He followed, mute and helpless, as Ren led them all back to the tent. While Hux was pulling sunscreen from his bag, Ren found a set of brushes and some tubes of paint.

“Going to thrash around a bit, make a new piece to bring back to Snoke?” Hux mocked. Ren glared at him, his lip curling.

“No. This is face paint.”

“Oh good. Make me a tiger,” Hux drawled.

“Wait, really?” Phasma asked.

“No, fuck off,” Hux laughed, slathering white cream on his exposed neck until it blended into his skin. He felt warm, sun-kissed, glowing. He was going to burn for sure today.

“Come here Vitas,” Ren ordered. The girl didn’t protest, and Hux watched from behind the mirrored glasses as Ren dipped a little brush into the yellow jar. When had he opened them all and laid them out like that? Hux needed to pay more attention to detail, was too distracted. Hux felt a strange twist of envy as Ren touched his free hand to Vitas’ chin, holding her still as he painted rays of yellow down her nose and on her forehead. Wiping the brush on a paper towel, Ren snapped his fingers at Phasma.

The blonde came over, eyes narrowed.

“No text,” she warned. Ren winked at her, his expression neutral. She huffed, slumping as Ren held her face up and painted purple swirls from her right cheek up to her temple. It was on the opposite side of her face as the one her bangs covered, and it suited her. Ren seemed to be drawing them at random, and Hux was suddenly curious as to what design he’d give himself.

As if he’d read his thoughts, instead of inviting Hux to sit down, Ren cleaned the brush and capped the yellow and purple paint pots.

“Do you have a compact I could borrow?” he asked Phasma. She nodded, tossing him one from her purse that she was using to check out her face paint. “Thanks.” In a series of swift motions, Ren painted red streaks and dots on his cheeks and then down in one line from the center of his mouth to his chin. The illusion of a pouted lip became evident, made Hux want to go over and kiss it off of him. Hux realized that he was staring, clearly enraptured even though his eyes were shielded. He capped the sunscreen and went to sit at Ren’s side.

“It suits you,” Hux said. He watched, pleased at the tremble he noticed in Ren’s hand.

“Thank you.”

“Do me.” Hux smirked at Ren when he glanced up at him inquisitively. “Be gentle.”

“You asked for it, remember,” Ren said, sighing as he cleaned the brush of the red. He capped the red pot, leaving only a dark navy blue open. Hux flinched a bit at the cold sensation of the liquid on his cheeks.

“If you draw a dick on me,” he whispered, but cut himself off when Ren took his chin between his thumb and forefinger. Hux couldn’t remember his threat, was too focused on the tender way Ren was staring at him from under thick black lashes, how carefully he was tracing lines across Hux’s cheeks. This focus was what had made Kylo Ren impossible to ignore at school, too. Even in the smallest endeavors, he gave himself completely. It was admirable, as much as Hux hated to admit it, in a way that Hux wished he could possess for himself. Hux knew about focus, but wanted Ren to show him how to lose himself as he did it.

“There,” Ren whispered. He held the compact out to Hux, who took it and glanced at the perfectly symmetrical stripes on his left cheek. “Partial tiger,” Ren said, waiting until Hux glanced up from the compact to wink at him. Hux smiled despite himself, handed the compact back, and leaned forward almost as if to kiss Ren’s forehead in a thank you. At the last minute, he pulled away and stood up, turning to Phasma and Vitas.

“Where to next?”

“Food,” Ren insisted. They all agreed.

After they ate, Ren rolled a few joints for them in the shaded section of the parking lot by Vitas’ car and they smoked while a rapper in the background sang about being numb. They laughed together, as if they were all old friends. Ren’s fingers found Hux’s as they sat in the crunchy grass by a fence, and Hux curled his knuckles around them gratefully.

Before sunset, they queued up to get onto the ferris wheel in order to watch the pinks and oranges kiss the sky to sleep over the desert. The line was long, but the echoes of music and screams and bass that floated over to them from nearby tents were enough to entertain them as they waited. Phasma tried to play a guessing game with them, but Vitas and Hux were both too high to focus for long on it. Hux decided he disliked Vitas decidedly less when she shut up for more than five minutes. He laughed aloud at the thought, and at the fact that they were now at the front of the line and entering their own private ferris wheel booth.

“Get your own,” Ren called, preventing Phasma and Vitas from getting in with them. Phasma flipped them off as they clambered in. Ren sat down first, dragging Hux to his lap before the doors closed. Hux didn’t even care.

“So, dear,” Hux said, laughing at his own joke, “how has your day been?”

“Fuck,” Ren breathed, immediately responding to the endearment as if it had been a serious one. He went to bring his mouth to Hux’s shoulder, but Hux pushed him backwards into the seat.

“Don’t do that. You’ll ruin your face paint.”

“I don’t care-”

“I care,” Hux said, moving so that he was straddling Ren’s lap. God he felt good. As the car steadily rolled higher and higher, Hux couldn’t even bother looking out the window to take in the scenery. Every color he needed to see was here, in Ren’s eyes. He ground down on Ren’s lap, sighing happily. “You look good like this. Keep it.”

“If it’s what you want.”

“Oh?” Hux tilted his head, relaxing his shoulders backward. Ren kept his hands on Hux’s hips, supporting him as he moved. “I’m not used to you being so keen on giving me what I want, Ren.”

“I’m not either,” Ren laughed. “It’s a bit of a nice change.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like when you fight me,” Hux bit his lip. “It’s fun watching you lose.”

“Probably almost as fun as watching me come,” Ren dragged his palm across Hux’s abs, looking up at him with a mock expression of pity. “Oh wait. You haven’t gotten to see that yet, have you? What a shame.”

“I’m going to change that,” Hux smirked, aware of the trump card he was about to play. “If you’re a good boy, that is.” Ren’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed out of reflex, automatically cut off at the knees. Hux groaned in pleasure at the reaction. “That’s what you want, right? To be told just how much I like you?”

“Hux-”

“I do,” Hux moved forward, biting at Ren’s earlobe and pressing both hands to his chest. “I like you very much.” Ren moaned, shifting and sending the car rocking. Hux felt weightless. “I like your anger, your stupid dance moves, your long fingers closed over my cock,” Ren cried out, his hand fumbling at Hux’s buttons. “Don’t you dare,” Hux warned. Ren froze. “You’ve gotten me off once. I’m going to return the favor.” Hux disengaged from Ren, sad to peel Ren’s hands from his zipper. Hux felt it was worth it, though, when he knelt in the floor of the ferris wheel and unzipped Ren’s shorts.

“Look out the window. There’s enough daylight left,” Hux said as he slipped Ren’s cock free of his boxers, “that someone could look in here and see your face as I do this.” Before Ren could say anything, Hux had licked at the tip of his already leaking cock.

“Oh god,” Ren mumbled, both hands tangling in Hux’s hair. Hux dragged his tongue down the ample shaft, making Ren twitch in protest. “Please.”

“Please what?” Hux asked.

“Please suck on me,” Ren begged, staring down at what Hux knew was his own plaintive expression in the ever-present mirrored lenses.

“Good boy,” Hux whispered, and Ren shouted with ardor as much at the words as at Hux’s mouth enveloping him entirely. Hux moved with slow and steady precision, copying the movements Ren had shown him earlier in the day. Ren was crying out, loud and beautiful, his hands digging into Hux’s hair. He was begging so beautifully, his hips were bucking as if he couldn’t help but want to fuck Hux’s mouth as Hux dragged his tongue over him. Hux wanted to smile, couldn’t. He felt Ren’s cock tighten right as his breathing began to grow deeper, more desperate. Hux pulled away, and Ren dropped his hands with a frustrated sigh.

“Please!”

“Not yet,” Hux commanded. Ren swallowed, looking lost. His cock flexed, so ready for release. Hux smiled. “Watch yourself come.”

Ren looked undone. He nodded, staring down into the mirrored glasses, watching his reflection as Hux licked his lips.

“I want you to see just how utterly beautiful you are,” Hux murmured. Ren whimpered, and Hux rewarded his cuteness by taking him as deep into his throat as he could. With long, desperate sucks, he kept his eyes tilted up towards Ren and angled his cock with one hand at its base to better allow Ren to see. He wanted Ren to see it all, hunched over like that, watching himself build up to his orgasm. Hux felt the best of both worlds, had to readjust his kneeling position so that his denim didn’t cut into his hard-on. He watched, addicted, as Ren stared at himself coming apart. Hux caught his eyes, felt like for a moment he was gazing deeply into Hux himself as he started to come.

To his credit, Ren tried to keep his eyes open. Hux understood, though, as the orgasm washed over Ren and into Hux’s throat. He understood how hard it could be to not shut them, and he swallowed Ren deeper as the brunette gave up and tossed his head back and cried out in ecstasy. His hips thrust forward, almost choking Hux with the sheer volume of it. When Ren finally came down from the crescendo, they had poetically reached the top of the ferris wheel arch.

Both of them were breathing heavily, the air inside the car fogging the windows with their desperation. Hux kept his hands on Ren’s knees as he shifted his position on the floor. He smoothed his palms over Ren’s thighs, massaging the glittering afterglow through his muscles, appreciating the way his hips felt under Hux’s hands.

“Thank you,” Ren whispered after a moment. He tucked himself away, zipping back up as Hux stood and stretched before reassuming his place on Ren’s lap. Ren groaned under his weight, a happy noise that Hux appreciated. He rested his head on Ren’s chest, turned to face out the window away from the festival. The sounds of the music below them returned, as if they had tuned them out in their moment of bliss. Ren’s arms were around Hux’s waist, one hand idly stroking his spine as if he were a cat.

“I don’t think you came hard enough,” Hux whispered. Ren scoffed, his hand never ceasing its endless stroking. “Seriously. You’re hopeless.” Ren’s hand paused. Hux smiled to himself, bringing his arms up to encircle Ren’s waist in a loose embrace. “We’ll just have to keep trying.” Ren’s hand hesitated, then resumed its languid movement over Hux’s back.

“Use me to your satisfaction,” he whispered, and Hux wanted to laugh at the melodrama of the statement. But somehow, maybe because of his buzz, it seemed almost genuine. He felt light-headed and blurry, like a beautiful watercolor, and he nuzzled the cheek without the face paint into the warmth of Ren’s slightly sunburned chest.

“Oh believe me, I intend to.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh I blushed so hard writing this in some parts, but probably not the parts you'd expect.
> 
> [Song for you! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOaeU1xXF2I)I feel like this is what's playing in the background as they're waiting in line for the ferris wheel.
> 
> Also, don't worry about Mitaka. He's chillin' in the AC of a motel room someplace, watching Say Yes to the Dress and drinking lots of Gatorade. And probably snapchatting Phasma.


	3. Day Two, Second Half: The Drop

Hux was aglow with stardust, Ren was convinced of it. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the redhead as they got off the ferris wheel, he didn’t care that Phasma was talking to him and seemed disturbed by his inability to do more than trail behind Hux. The bridge of his nose and angle of his cheekbones captured the lights of the lasers playing in the background, reflected their spackling of galaxies back to Ren tenfold. Kylo was mesmerized, couldn’t get enough of the smell of his skin. He was still a bit buzzed, convinced that Hux had somehow heightened his high with the way he sucked. Barely able to process it, he leaned forward to nuzzle into the redhead’s neck.

“Easy,” Hux answered, flinching a bit at Ren’s stubble. Had he not been smiling, Ren would’ve pulled away wounded.

“Let’s go to the main stage,” Phasma said, Vitas’ hands at her waist.

“First things first,” Ren said, “I wanna introduce you to a friend of mine.” He pulled one of the baggies from the pocket within his jeans.

“You’re not seriously fucking doing that schtick are you?” Hux asked, rolling his eyes. Phasma stuck her hand out.

“Two please, sir.”

“Right away, madame,” Ren said, sticking the tip of his tongue out as he shot a sideways glance at Hux. “I’d like you to meet Molly.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Phasma purred, putting two pills onto her tongue and turning to Vitas. Their kiss was slow, deliberate, and Phasma seemed to deliberately turn her shoulder to hide it slightly from Hux’s obvious stare. Ren nudged him, trying to let him know he was being a bit crass with how blatantly he was watching.

“I feel left out,” Hux said, looking up at Ren with anxious eyes. Ren huffed a laugh, incredulous.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting nervous on me, sweetheart?” At the term of endearment, Hux seemed to want to hit Ren at the same time as pushing forward into him. Ren chuckled again, tracing a line down Hux’s jaw with the knuckle of his index finger. “I can keep you calm. I know exactly what you need.”

“If you intend to feed me more drugs,” Hux warned, and Ren waited with the baggie hesitating at his hip. Hux sighed shakily, then finished, “You had better use a lot of tongue.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Ren asked with a smile, twisting around the earlier question Hux had asked him. How long had it been? He could barely remember. This moment was years long, needed to last for eons longer. He took out two pills while Hux pressed his slender frame into Ren’s arms. He nuzzled up into Ren’s neck, kissing an arc from his collarbone upward.

“I’m your better,” Hux whispered when he reached Ren’s jawline. Ren growled, slipping two pills onto his tongue. Before Hux could move, Ren had trapped him in a strong embrace. One arm around his shoulders, one hand digging hard on Hux’s hip, Ren pulled him into a slow, licking kiss. Hux moaned, oblivious or willfully ignorant of how Phasma was within earshot. He opened his mouth to Ren’s roving tongue, and when Kylo slipped one of the pills into the back of Hux’s throat he swallowed like a pro.

“Mmm,” Ren pulled away, swallowing his own. “Still feeling left out?”

“Less so,” Hux evaded, pulling against Kylo’s arms in order to crane his neck to see the stage. “What will this feel like?”

“You’ve never tried it before?” Ren asked, slightly concerned. The edges of his worry were dulled, blunted, but he could still feel it; there was this tiny voice telling him to protect the asshole before him. Hux sneered as if Ren had accidentally said the thought out loud. Ren cleared his throat. “You sure you can take it?”

“I can do anything you can, Kylo,” Hux shot, frowning at him as if he should never have dared to ask. “Probably can do it better, too.” Ren narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the truth in that phrase, and flipped the mirrored sunglasses down from where Hux had pushed them up into his red locks. They fell onto Hux’s nose with a tiny plastic click, making him flinch. Ren snorted.

“I like it when you say my name,” Ren said, leaning down to bite at Hux’s earlobe. “But I don’t like it when you’re so fiesty.”

“Shut up,” Hux shot back. “If you’re going to lie, I’d rather you not say a fucking word.” He started walking towards the main tent, almost as if he were going to leave Ren behind. But then he stuck his hand out behind him, fingers open. Ren hesitated. The scene before him too beautiful for him to absorb, and it took him a minute to fit it into the schema he had of Hux from school. Pretentious, cold, solitary Hux was one thing; he was a person who Ren definitely loved to tear apart. Star-freckled, sunkissed Hux, however… he was entirely uncharted territory, and he was reaching for Ren, waiting for him to follow, wanting him to come along. The man before him turned more fully, the mirrored glasses still down, and Ren realized just how devoted he looked in their reflection.

“Hux…”

“Are you coming, or not?” Hux asked, narrowing his eyes and wiggling his fingers exasperatedly. Ren couldn’t ignore him. He took Hux’s hand and followed him into the crowd as it moved towards the main stage for the headline of the night.

“So for the next thirty minutes, I want you to drink water,” Ren said through the crowd.

“Only for the next thirty?” Hux asked, narrowing his eyes as he smirked.

“No, but like,” Ren paused as someone’s sweaty chest hair brushed up against his elbow, making him flinch. “I want you to focus on keeping hydrated. You’ll forget once you start to feel it.”

“Tell me,  _ sweetheart _ ,” Hux said sarcastically, and Ren hated how it still managed to send a shock of pleasure down into his hips, “and don’t make me repeat myself twice: what will this feel like?” Hux paused, the crowd becoming too thick to get by further. The headliner DJ was coming out, taking the stage, the lasers around him catching on the angular stage and creating the illusion of a moving and ever-changing landscape. Even without the ecstasy, Ren felt a thrum of deep, core pleasure as the beat began to float through the air towards them. He grabbed onto Hux’s hips in front of him, moving gently to the music.

“I heard you the first time, I’m just thinking.”

“About how to desribe it to me?” Hux asked, cynicism flooding his tone. He took the rubber tip of the camelback between his lips and drank.

“No,” Ren said, smiling as he felt Hux respond and start to dance against him, the crowd’s momentum pulling forth the inner wild-child that nobody would have known the photographer had.

“What, then?” he asked, half-turning into Ren’s neck as he passed the water tube back to him. Ren put it into his own mouth, sucking down a few swallows before strapping it back to his bookbag.

“I’ll tell you when you start to feel more alert,” Ren said, dipping forward to murmur in Hux’s ear. “When you start to feel like colors are standing out more, like the music is clearer and sharper, tangibly sharper. You’ll start to feel good, like your capacity for sensation has tripled. It’s like going from being able to touch with just fingertips,” as if to demonstrate, Ren slid his fingertips teasingly along Hux’s stomach, right at the line of his white denim, “to being able to completely grasp something in your palm.” Ren moved his hand over Hux’s hips, the other one trailing along the redhead’s ribs appreciatively. Hux reached up towards the ceiling, grinding backwards against Ren as the music picked up and looking like a beautiful sacrifice tied to a stake and awaiting a beast. Ren growled, the hunger in him long from satiated. He’d wanted Hux for too long to be satisfied with just one orgasm, however powerful it was.

It had been in the studio when he’d first felt it. Of course it had; he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that there would have been no other place, seeing as Ren spent ninety percent of his time there. He’d felt a spark when he’d seen Hux talking to another student about their piece, felt a distraction. Ren had ignored it, channeled it into his work, and yet Hux was not one to be ignored. He never did anything overt, but he was somehow… necessary. He was not imposing, but his absence was noticable. Ren could no more easily ignore a blank canvas; just because he didn’t know what it contained yet did not make him any less interested.

“You’re my canvas,” he whispered to Hux now, half hoping the words would be drowned out by the autotuned singer and the screams of the crowd.

“I’m nobody’s canvas,” Hux laughed, turning to hang languidly in Ren’s arms. “Although I guess you did technically already paint on me today.”

“Describe how you feel,” Ren ordered. Some part of him knew that Hux would react badly to being coddled, to being asked every few minutes if he was okay. Better to give him commands like this.

“Light. Pleasant. Sweaty.”

“Do you want to move up?” Ren gestured to where the lights fell more fully on the crowd, further inside and towards the stage. It was packed, but from where they currently stood they weren’t getting the full experience. Ren glanced around, but Phasma was long gone.

Instead of answering verbally, Hux began to pull Ren through the crowd. Lean and quick, he was spotting openings in the ebb and swell of the crowd as if it were a singular organism. Ren, however, crashed into people at almost every turn, their dancing a language he couldn’t speak at the moment. After a few heavy minutes, they reached the apex of the crowd and Hux let out a whooping yell. He turned, a look of bright excitement on his face.

“Describe,” Ren shouted over the music.

“Awake,” Hux yelled. “So fucking awake.” He shuddered, and Ren watched deliriously as Hux ran his hands through his hair. “Sensitive.” He looked up, moving forward and shouting into Ren’s ear, “What about you?”

“Don’t you worry about me,” Ren said back, feeling his voice raised more than he heard it. Their volume was drowned out, the only way he could tell Hux was yelling was by the vibration in his eardrum.

“Not fair.”

“It is. I need you to let go. If you do that, I’ll feel amazing.”

“I’ve already let go,” Hux said, biting at Ren’s neck. The faintest tingles of the drug began to wave along the edges of Ren’s skin, just barely warming him. He could easily confuse this for the tail-end of a nicely toasted night at the bar, though. He would wait a bit longer, wait just a while longer. Hux had paused in his arms, looking at someone to their right. He tapped Ren’s bicep with one hand, making Ren wince when he hit the bite marks there. He looked over to where Hux was pointing, though, and found the girls from earlier that morning. They were right next to Ren and Hux, so close that their shoulders were grazing. How had he not notice before?

“Hux,” Ren said, worried that Hux would panic at being confronted in regards to their early-morning tryst. Hux leaned away from him, and Ren grabbed at his shoulder.

“Hey,” Hux extended his hand, and the dancing girl closest to him took it and shook it.

“Sup.”

“I know you, from this morning.” The girl had the decency to look a bit embarrassed, but she also nodded as if it were normal to have watched two men fondle each other in broad daylight. Ren watched her with a mixture of apprehension and interest. The commanding way that Hux pulled the girl into their circle, into the circle that had only consisted of canvas and artist, made Ren feel weak. He loved it. Hux turned to him, and Ren knew that whatever he was going to ask, Ren was going to obey. “You remember her right?”

Ren looked up. The girl was gorgeous in the lasers, dark skin brushed with gold flecks of bronzer. She was wearing a crop top and high waisted shorts, her forearms completely covered by glowstick bracelets. She looked ethereal. Ren nodded, smiling at her. She lifted her chin, half paying attention to him, the stage before them stealing most of her gaze.

“I’ve got a proposition for you,” Hux said, hooking his fingers in Ren’s belt while still addressing the girl. She tore her eyes from the stage and looked over at Hux, curiosity peaking.

“I’m listening.”

“Did you like what you saw before?” Hux asked, and Ren wondered momentarily if he was this brazen because he was high, or because he hadn’t come in several hours. The girl looked to Ren, the crowd pressing them together as someone dove off stage into the ocean of hands. She nodded appreciatively, and Ren swallowed hard. Suddenly, he felt less like the artist in this situation. He felt blank, ready to be drawn on. He wanted Hux’s fingerprints to scrape over his body, to stain him with glitter, to make him worth looking at. He needed it, needed Hux’s starlight. As if he could hear Ren’s thoughts, as if Ren were shouting them into Hux’s ear, the redhead snuck his index finger into Ren’s pants. He dragged it gently through the coarse hair just below Ren’s belt, teasing him. Ren could hardly take it, had to know what was going on. Just as he dipped his head forward to try to catch his ear, Hux removed his hand.

“Hey-”

“I want you and your friends over there to watch,” Hux said. Ren felt his jaw working, at a loss for words. He’d never been so blunt before. Hux was tracing lines and swirls down his skin, which was beginning to feel strange. Ren was a calm lake, was water whose surface tension Hux was rippling without a care in the world. “Also,” Hux grinned, “I want some of your bracelets.” 

The girl laughed, taking off a few from her wrist to hand to Hux. With his free hand, Hux slid them onto his own wrist, then gestured for Ren to put a couple on his own wrists. Ren did as implied, Hux’s fingers still playing with the sensitive skin between his hip and groin. Ren moaned at the touch as the girl leaned over to tell her friends to move forward in a semi-circle. The song around them had faded from the introductory beat into a glimmering melody, layer upon layer of instruments and synthetic drums creating a lush auditory pillow for Ren to sink into as Hux tortured him. He felt alive, like his energy was extending outside of himself and recharging in the sea of strangers.

“Rules?” the girl asked.

“Don’t touch either of us, don’t let anyone else touch us, and you can watch all you like,” Hux shouted.

“What’s that?” a guy next to them asked. Ren smirked. Things were getting interesting. He wondered what Hux would do. Would he yell at the guy to fuck off? Would he rethink his decision?

“I’m about to jerk my boyfriend off,” Hux shouted. Ren let out a harsh laugh, not even believing he’d heard those words escape Hux’s lips. They defied logic on so many levels. The guy, however, nodded as if it were the most normal thing to say aloud to a stranger. He was older than them, even if it didn’t seem like it was by much, so maybe he had seen it all before. Hux grinned. “Watch, but don’t touch.”

“You do you, I’ll make sure you’re good on this side,” the guy said, his eyes dilated and his hands moving in beautiful circles above his head as the music crashed down upon them in a foaming cacophony. Ren was already hard, and Hux hadn’t even touched him again. It had been his words, fuck, how easily he called Ren his boyfriend. The idea of belonging to Hux was both incredibly appealing and terrifying. It was the exact feeling he craved when he wanted to be seen compromised like this.

And he was compromised. They were surrounded, there was no privacy. Ren could smell the girl’s cotton candy perfume, the sweat of the crowd, the smell of pot on the wind as clouds wafted over the ocean of faces. Ren lorded over them, tall enough to see a way out should he need one, but he was comfortably vibrating for the moment and had no desire to leave the mass of people. The pill he’d taken was very slowly, very gradually taking effect. The music was building to a deep crescendo, the lights on the stage playing off of the ribbons of white that hung above them. Past that, in the night sky, Ren knew there were stars. In that, in looking up, he imagined that he was sinking into Hux’s skin indefinitely. Closing his eyes to the drop, he fell willingly. His hands sought out the lilac shirt before him, slipped underneath of the crisp fabric, found his constellations right where he’d left them.

Hux moved back against Ren, dancing with him. It was slow, sensual, the beat giving them guidance but their hips moving in accordance to their blood and breath. Beside them, Ren sensed the physical restraint that the girls were implementing in order to keep their hands to themselves. He relished this limbo they were in, being able to look but not touch. He loved the idea of them wishing they could feel the press of his index finger as he dragged it along Hux’s hipbone. Hux tipped his chin up, parting his lips for a kiss. Ren obeyed, felt Hux pressing invisible prints all along his body as his hands roamed Ren’s skin.

“Take off your shirt.” It was an order whispered into his mouth, and Ren hardly wanted to pull away from the kiss in order to obey. He broke his connection to Hux only long enough to shed his backpack, pull his tank top off, and let it all fall to the ground between his feet and the girl’s.

He drank in this new scene, of Hux backlit with the flashing colors from the stage behind him, his hair almost pink in this light. Hux’s bottom lip was stained red, beautiful like he’d been bitten. Ren groaned as Hux dipped his head to lick at the line that traced south along Ren’s sternum. He felt Hux’s hands at his ribs, pulling his waist forward, and Ren wondered deliriously if Hux was going to suck him off here in the center of the crowd. The thought made him feel as if he really had plunged into the depth of space, into a vacuum where he could no longer inhale.

Hux paused at Ren’s belt buckle, almost kneeling. He stood up right as Ren cried out against clenched teeth, eager for Hux’s mouth once more.

“Why’d you stop?” Ren asked, already painfully close to desperate.

“You think I’m going to make you come?” Hux asked, laughing. “Oh no. You’re going to do that to yourself. I want to watch, too.”

“Hux, you can’t,” Ren whispered, the words lost on the music and screams. Hux must have read his lips, though, because he nodded and half-answered him.

“You can.” As if he were helping, Hux unzipped Ren’s shorts slowly, trailing his fingers along Ren’s erection as he kept the button clasped. “I’ll keep you dressed, dignified. You just focus on breaking down.”

“Fuck.” Ren couldn’t believe his ears, couldn’t believe that this was the same person who had threatened a professor with a report to the dean if they didn’t adhere strictly to the syllabus provided. This cruelty was more acceptable, Ren decided. The sudden image of Hux jerking him off in the back of a lecture hall while a professor rambled on about art history made Ren’s cock twitch involuntarily. He hoped this Hux stuck around.

The music around them fell away to screams as the song finished. The lights dimmed, lasers pulling low in a web of interlocked squares that fell slowly over the crowd as the next song began to play. The quiet was still alive, still incandescent, with shrieks from overwhelmed fans and energetic singers in the crowd lacing the calm. The song built slowly, and Ren shuddered at the feeling of Hux moving behind him. The redhead began to stroke his arms, caressing Ren in long, slow movements that made him feel as if he were made of liquid sky. He closed his eyes, imagining his darkness enveloping Hux’s stars, imagined the first slow thrust he’d make as he conquered the galaxies before him.

One of Ren’s hands strayed to the front of his jeans, the other reached behind him to pull Hux’s head to his neck. Ren expected a kiss, a bite, or a snarl. He didn’t expect Hux to speak in a low, steady voice.

“You’re beautiful like this,” Hux whispered. Ren took a shuddering breath, his fingertips already too much pressure through his boxers. He had to slow down. He trailed his own hand along his length, teasing himself, and Hux continued. “It reminds me of how you move in the studio.”

“I thought you hated me in the studio,” Ren said. “Thought you hated me everywhere, really.”

“Of course I hate you,” Hux answered, but his tone was soft and solicitous. He nuzzled his lips against Ren’s ear, ground his own erection into Ren’s ass. “You hate me too.”

“I’ve never hated you,” Ren said, his cock throbbing with ache at the faintest touch. His arms felt loose, his ribs where Hux was clinging to his chest from behind burned as if Hux were truly made of stardust. Ren wished for the chemical burns, wished for the scars to stay on his chest to prove that Hux had held him so close.

“Shh,” Hux whispered, “You’ll make it hard for me to keep from coming when you talk like that.”

“Talk like what?”

“Like you’re mine,” Hux replied, his voice harsh.

“Tell me more,” Ren begged, his voice wretched and wanting. He refused to correct Hux.

“You’re torture,” Hux said, adding his fingertips to Ren’s, tracing the contours of Ren’s cock through the cotton. Ren’s breathing hitched, his hips arched. Hux pulled away, just slightly, only allowing the slightest of tension on the tip of Ren’s hard-on. “I can’t stand being around you.”

“Seems like you’re the one doing the torturing,” Ren said, the music swelling around them. Hux’s hands seemed to move without reason, flowing over Ren’s exposed skin as if his melted body could quench a frantic thirst within them. Sometimes he gripped, sometimes he scratched, sometimes he drifted feather-light touches down Ren’s ribs; Hux was overloading him.

“You know why I hate you?” Hux asked. The question hurt, inexplicably. Ren tried to focus on the purples, pinks, and blues playing above him. He didn’t want to think about it, not right now. He felt eyes on him, felt heat in his loins, just wanted to focus on those things. Hux was relentless though, grazing harsh lines down Ren’s cock with his palm until Ren shook his head no. “It’s because I can’t do what you do,” Hux said by his ear, pressing hard into Ren’s back. “I can’t put my whole body into my art. I can’t break myself apart and come together again in charcoal or film.” Ren moaned, undone just as much by Hux’s admission as he was by Hux’s fingers finally finding their way inside of his boxers. Hux gripped Ren’s erection loosely, letting Ren buck into his hand the way he had the night before. Ren forced his eyes open, absorbed through his peripheral the way the girl from earlier that morning snatched away a hand that was straying too close to his stomach. He had bodyguards, as if he were their master. The thought disarmed him, made him tighten his grip in Hux’s hair, dragging the redhead’s lips across his neck forcefully. Hux’s other hand was over Ren’s heart, on his left breast, and Ren brought his hand up to cover Hux’s there. He wanted it to stay. Scar. Remind.

“I can feel your heartbeat,” Hux whispered, tightening his grip as he began to stroke Kylo underneath of the black cotton. “It’s pounding so fast. Are you worried?”

“Yes,” Ren admitted. He was worried he’d die before feeling release. The buildup was exquisite and long, he was experiencing eye-crossing pleasure at Hux’s hands. He was going to pass out before he even finished.

“Don’t be. I’ve got you.”

“Hux,” Ren shouted, his body on the brink. He couldn’t take much more of Hux praising him, of Hux speaking to him like he was someone special.

“So fucking beautiful.” Hux nuzzled his neck, Ren’s hand clutching a fistful of the redhead’s hair. The music crested, the crowd jumped, his protectors kept a tight circle around him as his boyfriend--

That thought ended things for him. Ren came hard, shuddering and screaming out as Hux reached his hand down to catch all of his come. His orgasm lasted for what felt like hours, wave after wave of melody and color and stardust washing over his trembling body as he clung to Hux. Vaguely, he saw Hux lift his hand and lick it clean, and it renewed the hot jolt of gratification pumping through him. He felt Hux zipping him up, keeping him clothed just as he had promised he would.

The colors around Ren stayed vibrant, his skin stayed sensitive, and Ren realized that he wasn’t going to come down anytime soon. The afterglow was his high. He stretched up to the ceiling as the DJ sent strobe after strobe of light across them. He turned in Hux’s arms, the strobe lights making it seem like they were moving in stop-motion towards each other. He kissed Hux’s lips, tasted himself on them, and felt closer to the heavens than he ever had before. He pulled away with difficulty, one phrase steeling him for the loss of contact.

“It’s your turn,” Ren whispered, a smirk playing on the corner of his lips as he brought his thigh gently between Hux’s legs to rub against his erection. Hux threw his head back, his pill hitting him. Or maybe it had already hit him before now? Ren had neglected to ask. Either way, it was fine. Either way, he was about to draw the deepest pleasure from Hux as he could.

Ren chuckled darkly and brought Hux in for a tight embrace, the redhead positively glowing in his arms as they moved together through the next song.

 

* * *

 

They danced for two more songs, and Hux was content even if Ren never made his way to the white denim around his hips. The trail of his fingers, the graze of his palms, Hux felt close just from the brush of his arm against Ren’s when they jumped together and screamed until their throats were raw. The energy of the crowd fed him, had him feeling manic. Hux had never known this feeling of faceless belonging. He had only craved being a headline, a leader in his profession; Hux had never craved being anonymous and part of an ocean of beings that moved on instinct alone.

A tiny part within himself railed against this. What had Kylo Ren done to him? Was it some huge elaborate trick, him trying to get Hux to make a move and show his cards, to drown in him and sabotage himself because of it? 

But no. Ren kept giving himself, pouring himself over Hux as if he could cleanse him of his suspicions, even when Hux didn’t want him to. As if they had no reality to fall back into. As if he wanted to belong to Hux as much as Hux wanted to posess him. Lights flared up, brilliantly illuminating Ren as he threw his head back and Hux felt himself sucking in air greedily before they screamed together once more.

His skin was electrified, his body energized. There was no need to hold back and control himself, the man to his right and the girls to his left were seeing to that. Hux had been hard for what felt like hours, the denim cutting into the base of his shaft as he danced. He couldn’t bother to be scandalized, not now, not when he was watching the screens surrounding the DJ onstage flash brilliant images of galaxies and swimming pools overlapping to form reflections of cool, empty space. Hux wanted to swim in the skies, he realized. He wanted to surface with Ren’s hands on his waist, anchoring him so that he wouldn’t drift too far.

“Describe how you feel,” Ren demanded, too bulky and too brash for the light feeling in Hux’s veins. Ren was so good at crowding him, at making him feel cornered. Hux took Ren’s neck in his hands, pulled him down.

“Powerful.” Hux could feel the bass of the beat in his chest, expanding too quickly for his heart to follow. Somehow looking at Ren exacerbated it, made him feel fuller. He did feel powerful. His confessions as Ren came in his hands, they were things Hux should have logically been ashamed of, but they felt like jewels adorning their swaying bodies. Ren wore them proudly, feeling the beat and letting it transfer to his hips. Hux grit his teeth. “You said it was my turn?”

“It is.”

“So then,” Hux tilted his head, suddenly desperate for Ren’s touch. He ground hard into Ren’s hip, hoping it was a hint. Ren continued dancing, oblivious. Hux felt a twinge of annoyance, resentment. “Are you that fucking high?” he demanded. Ren stopped, going completely still. He glared at Hux, his grip on Hux’s waist tightening.

“I don’t know. You haven’t asked me how I feel at all tonight.”

“You keep telling me without me having to ask,” Hux shot back.

“Maybe I should stop, then,” Ren said, pulling Hux closer. Hux fought briefly, thinking he would disentangle himself and just try to ignore Ren as they danced. One more night of sexual tension wouldn’t kill him. For some reason, Hux found that he could swallow his pride and jerk Ren off in public, but the idea of asking the guy about his feelings felt too intimate. Hux swallowed, as if he couldn’t get enough air. He stopped fighting, didn’t want Ren to stop talking, even though he felt insane for thinking that.

“Ren.”

“Hux.” Ren’s hand traced a line down the small of his back, settling on his ass in a deathgrip. It jolted free the last reservation Hux was holding onto, his last hope of floating past this unscathed.

“Alright, fuck! Tell me how you feel, you giant man-child. Then get me off.” Hux looked over, a smile on Ren’s lips at the sentiment. It seemed sad, though, or was that just the anxiety from Hux’s previous buzz returning to haunt him? He blinked, trying to unsee it.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Ren said.

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking-”

“No, you idiot, I can hear you,” Hux shouted over the rise of the music and the swell of the crowd. There were streamers. Glitter in the air. It was raining stardust and for a moment he felt like he was going to pass out, until he felt Ren drag him back down with a steady kneading grip on his backside. Hux focused on the massage, focused on where he was. He wouldn’t float away, not while Ren held him. “What did I say?”

“The thing about me being your boyfriend.”

“What about it?” Hux asked, trying to keep from looking ashamed. He hadn’t meant to call Ren that. It felt trite, small. Way too small for someone such as Ren. He meant something more, especially with the way he was lifting Hux into his arms right now.

Hux straddled Ren, automatically bringing his legs up around his waist, Ren’s strong arms supporting him as if Hux weighed nothing. Hux heard the music grow sweeter, and he hoped to god that for the rest of his life he would never forget the tiny details of this moment. The litany of electronic notes, the dance of glitter trapped in the night of Ren’s hair, the way the crowd protected and watched and ignored them, the sky above them stretching endlessly into space.

“I kind of like the idea that I’m yours,” Ren said into Hux’s neck, unzipping Hux’s pants while he supported him with just one arm. Hux marveled lightly at his strength. Muscles like these did not come from nights in the studio alone. When did he find time to work out? Ren slid Hux’s cock out so that it was resting against the hard lines of Ren’s bare stomach. Hux gasped, seeking out Ren’s shoulder and biting down hard. Just a few thrusts. He would come in just a few thrusts against Ren’s skin, he knew it. Hux fought, thrashing in the waters of Ren’s honesty, fighting against the current. He couldn’t. Ren couldn’t belong to Hux, he couldn’t.

“Shut up.”

“I know you like hearing it, because I like saying it,” Ren said, ignoring him to position his huge hands over Hux’s ass. Ren started gyrating, gently dancing as if they were just an ordinary couple letting the music overwhelm them. Hux pulled his own shirt up, desperate for more friction. He moaned against the bruise forming on Ren’s shoulder, Ren’s words cascading over him as the music cast shafts of light against the surface far above him.

“How long.”

“Long enough.”

“Kylo, fucking tell me when you knew.”

“Since your spring exhibition,” Ren said immediately, as if he had asked himself the same question before. “I knew I was yours at the spring exhibition.”

Hux cried out, the tip of his cock dragging slick pre-come across Ren’s abdomen, his skin tight and too warm. He was clinging to Ren, his legs tight as a vice around Ren’s hips. He needed this.

“Why then?”

“I saw your one piece with the mirrors, and the composition was just so…” Ren trailed off. “It was order, in a photograph. Every angle was deliberate.”

“Fuck.”

“Do you want me to continue giving you an art critique, now, Hux, or should I shut up and touch you?”

Hux could barely breathe. Ren was asking for his command, even though he was going about it acting as if he were fed up with Hux. Typical. Hux wanted neither option Ren had offered; he wanted more.

“You belong to me?”

“Against my will,” Ren answered, one of his hands snaking up to wind in Hux’s hair and hold his head back. His throat was exposed, and he shuddered as Ren’s tongue drew circles down into his collarbone. He was weak, his hips grinding desperately and uselessly against Ren’s stomach. The small amount of friction on his cock was enough, but just barely. He felt a hand at his back, someone else’s, a tiny drag of encouragement. He cried out, responding immediately. Ren seemed to thrive off of his noise, words spilling forth against his will into the crook of Hux’s neck. “I tried, Hux. I tried to stay away.”

“What kept you coming back? My,” Hux drew in a ragged breath, so close, so close, “sarcasm? Maybe my bitterness?”

“Your stardust,” Ren said into his ear. “You’re aglow with it, constantly. You’re beyond all of us.”

“Then why’d,” he paused to moan, his shoulders shaking. He had never been so close to the edge before, had never kept himself from coming for so long. It was a sheer test of will.

“Why what?” Ren asked, the hand supporting Hux suddenly in his pants, skin on skin. Hux bucked against him, gritting his teeth against his building orgasm. “Why do I like you so much? Why do I want you?” Ren’s words were hot coals stoking the flames that licked up impossibly through the waves, that threatened to boil Hux alive. It was none of those things, but Hux knew that once he voiced himself, it would be all over. He didn’t want it to end. It couldn’t, not like this, not so quickly as this. But Ren was drawing it out of him, pulling the words forth as Hux rutted against the hard planes of his stomach like an animal in the crowd. Ren stroked his hair, coaxing him higher, and whispered, “Why what?” 

“Why did I lose to you?” Hux shouted, giving up and coming hard. He threw his head back, Ren’s fingers tight against his scalp. He didn’t have much to give, but the shimmering feeling in his skin seemed to linger much longer than usual. His skin was vibrant, colorful. Hux rode the waves of ectsasy, felt them flow through him in sublime timing with the music surrounding them. He didn’t realize until several minutes had passed that he was laying on Ren, completely limp and heavy. His arms were draped around the big lug’s shoulders, hugging him close. His shirt would be ruined, glued between them like this. Ren was petting his back, swaying gently to the music as he waited for Hux to return to him. Maybe, Hux thought to himself, maybe Ren hadn’t heard his last confession.

They stayed like that, dancing, recovering, existing, until the music began to fade once more.

“I think I’m done with this tent,” Ren said into Hux’s ear. “How about you?”

Hux could only manage a nod.

“Good. I want to show you something.” Hux hummed acquiescence into Ren’s neck, his body releasing all tension as if he had just been painfully massaged. “I’m not going to put you down,” Ren warned. “I’m going to carry you out. You alright with that?”

“I can’t walk anyway,” Hux laughed. Ren moved, squatting down to pick up his shirt and bookbag with one arm. He grunted only once from the effort, but otherwise was silent. Ren said something to the girl who’d watched them, who’d given them glowsticks, who’d probably trailed her hand down Hux’s back when he was close. He didn’t want to hear what it was. Hux closed his eyes, burying his face in Ren’s hair and tracing one hand over Ren’s temple. He toyed with Ren’s eyebrow piercing as they slid from the crowd, and Hux struggled not to feel like a child being put to bed by an exhausted parent.

The sound receding from them and the crowd letting up was like a breath of fresh air. Hux was no longer inundated with the smell of sweat and pot. Suddenly he could pick out sunscreen and the slight wax of face paint. He could grab up the smell of sweet grass, faint cigarette smoke, savory spices from grills being cleaned. It was nighttime, dirt, and emptiness that filled his nostrils now. Hux lifted his head blearily, noticed that they were walking towards a hill far from the crowds and the tents. They passed by a few groups scattered like dandelion seeds across the outskirts of the festival, but otherwise there was nobody. Hux began to feel an unfolding sense of vulnerability. He hadn’t even zipped his cock back into his pants. He was still half-hard against Ren’s stomach, the feeling of skin on skin enough to keep him moderately aroused. Not looking forward to the awkward scramble out of Ren’s arms with his dick out, Hux moved one arm to tuck himself in and zip up.

“Here,” Ren pulled the rubber tube from the backpack, brought it to Hux’s lips. “Water.”

Hux took it, just to have something to do with his mouth besides frown. The drowning feeling was back, the feeling of treading desperately to keep his head up. The feeling, therefore, of liquid on his tongue was a bit disconcerting. The logical part of him knew Ren was right, though. He needed to stay hydrated. He drank until Ren stopped walking.

They had paused on the middle of a hill overlooking the festival. Below them, one couple was asleep in each other’s arms, far enough away that they wouldn’t hear unless Ren and Hux yelled to them. Even then, they probably wouldn’t wake up. Hux felt a sick combination of gratitude and unease at the thought. He was going to really be alone with Ren. The intimacy of before, of asking Ren how he felt, was going to multiply tenfold. Hux didn’t know if he could bear it.

“Gonna put you down.” Ren squatted slightly to allow Hux to untangle himself and stand up on his own. Hux felt a touch of vertigo, and was strangely grateful when Ren sank to his knees alongside him, as if Hux hadn’t simply taken a knee to keep from passing out. Ren pulled Hux to his chest, supporting him, their faces turned to the lights of the festival in front of them.

They stayed quiet for a long while, listening to the din of several stages bouncing with heavy bass. The lasers traced gorgeous outlines against the sky. The moving sculptures walked like roaming giants, unreal in the space before them. It was something out of a dream. Hux felt himself panicking, just slightly, because he didn’t want to ever wake up.

“Ren,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from their screamed conversation earlier. His eardrums felt tight, overworked. Ren hummed an acknowledgment, his chest rumbling like it had on the plane. Hux swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t accept,” Ren said, laying back with his arms over his head. Hux tumbled back with him, unable to stay sitting on his own. He frowned, bringing his hand to rest on Ren’s bare stomach. Without hesitating, Ren covered Hux’s fingers with his own.

“Why not?” Hux demanded.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know that before I came, you had the Mortimer Scholarship,” Ren said softly. Hux felt his mouth drop open, tried to protest, but couldn’t. It wasn’t a lie. Hux had held the scholarship before Ren had come along, and it wasn’t illegal for Ren to know that. Ren inhaled, moving Hux’s head with the expansion of his chest, and then sighed deeply. “I know I took it from you. If anyone needs to apologize, it’s me.”

Hux paused, swallowing. He wanted to agree. He wanted to say that yes, Ren did fucking need to apologize. His life had gotten so much harder because of this asshole who walked in with his six foot tall canvases and charcoal crisscrosses and overemotive manic episodes of what he called ‘the process’. But Hux couldn’t say a damn thing. He blamed the tablet he’d swallowed, blamed the way Ren was breathing underneath of him. Hux focused on how they smelled in this moment; like sex and sweat, both of them, intermingled. Hux snuggled further onto Ren, sighing in turn when he felt Ren’s arm wrap around his shoulders to hold him close.

“Aren’t you cold without a shirt?” Hux asked.

“You keep me warm,” Ren replied.

“God,” Hux laughed. 

“You know that every time you react so strongly to me being honest with you,” Ren said slowly, “it just makes me want to confess everything. Just to bother you even more. You know that, right?”

“What, so I can roll my eyes at you?” Hux snorted.

Before he could fight back, Ren had flipped him onto his back in the cool grass. The blades broke against his skin, licking Hux with their dying snaps, sending pleasurable feathers of sensation through his back and shoulders. He glared up at the man pinning him, a smirk twisting his mouth.

“You make me incredibly frustrated,” Ren murmured.

“Does it count as a confession if I already know what you tell me?”

“You’re always so quick, so organized. Everything is very in its place with you, isn’t it?” Ren asked. He tilted his head, sending a tiny flock of stars falling onto Hux’s cheeks. Hux tilted his chin  up, relishing the smudge of red on Kylo’s lower lip. He had done that. He had marked him like that.

“Everything but you.”

“When?” Ren asked. Hux paused, mouth fluttering open without the words coming forth. He knew the answer, just didn’t want to say. He scoffed, the noise tiny and unfortunately not as intimidating as Hux would have liked it to be.

“Why do you care?”

“Because I do.” Ren was looking at him with such earnest sincerity, it cut Hux to his core. “When did you know?” Hux swallowed hard, fighting against the answer that he didn’t even have to think about. He hated it. He needed it. He couldn’t ignore it and so he glanced away, unable to stare into the dark shadows of Ren’s face any longer.

“When I first saw you work. I knew you were mine when I saw you in the studio.”

“Took you that long?” Ren snickered.

“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he snapped; he wasn’t happy that he’d wanted to own Ren from the moment their lips had collided with an angry passion, it was a fool’s urge, and one that could cost him more than just a scholarship. Hux shot a glance back, just in time to feel Ren’s mouth on his. He leaned up into the kiss, desperate for Ren’s teeth against his lips.

Ren obliged, biting him with fervor, pulling away only to ask, “Was it when I kissed you like this?”

“Yes,” Hux whispered, breathless, into Ren’s open mouth.

“Pressing you into the canvas,” Ren remembered, pressing Hux into the California soil now. Hux brought one hand up, holding Ren the way he had in the studio: hesitant, Hux’s hands felt so hesitant in the face of such obvious, unabashed passion. He kept one of them on the ground to remind himself that they weren’t actually back at school, that his fingers were coated with dirt and not charcoal dust.

“Ruining your piece.”

“Making it what it needed to be,” Ren insisted, his tongue slipping into Hux’s mouth. Hux drew his fingers over Ren’s bare back, reveling in what he had only ever allowed himself to imagine before the past few days.

And he had imagined it, more than he’d ever admit. He’d thought about coming up behind Ren when he was slouched over his sketchbook practicing perspective, thought about pressing a palm in between his shoulderblades to get him to sit up straight. He’d thought about letting his hand linger on Ren’s back, maybe letting it stray to his shoulders, tracing the large expanse of muscle beneath the black layers he wore in the fall. Hux had thought about dragging him to the stones of the courtyard he saw Ren frequent come classtime. He’d thought about straddling him, the yellows and reds of the maple leaves aflame above them as he kissed Ren and tasted the hazelnut coffee still on his tongue. Hux had imagined it all, vividly, but none of it compared to the shining sweetness of tonight.

“Who knew you were so romantic?” Hux whispered. It came out reverent, maybe becaus of his wandering memories. Regret that he hadn’t known sooner laced each trembling word. Ren chuckled, moving to kiss at Hux’s chest, lifting the stained purple fabric and pulling it from his shoulders. Hux thought he was going to throw it to the side, but Ren balled it up and thrust it under Hux’s neck. “See?” Hux scoffed. “Shit like this--”

“Is what you’ll have to get used to,” Ren said, pinning Hux to the ground once more as he trailed kisses down his overly sensitive skin. Hux craned his neck to glance down, to try to imprint the image of Ren’s dark hair falling over the pale, glimmering skin of his chest. Remember.

“So when we get back to school,” Hux muttered, the words not wanting to come forth. He hated ruining the moment, but he had to know. “What are we?”

“I don’t care what you are,” Ren said, laying his cheek on Hux’s chest and glaring up at him. “I already told you I was yours. That’s enough for me.”

“You’re joking right?” Hux asked.

“No. It’s one of the perks of being a… how did you put it last month?”

“An overly emotional, unsocialized gorilla?”

“No, the other one,” Ren smirked.

“Ah. You mean, a self-depracating, insecure manbaby.”

“Yes, that.” Ren laughed. “And you wonder why praise falling from your lips gets me off so easily,” Ren murmured, admitting to his trigger aloud to Hux for the first time. Hux inhaled sharply, Ren’s teeth at his hipbones, dragging lower.

“I never wondered,” Hux shot back. “I know you better than you think.”

“Which is why you belong to me, too.” Ren paused over Hux’s thighs, and Hux wondered if he intended to kiss him from head to toe underneath of the stars. He stayed still, waiting, not refuting Ren’s assessment. “You’re the type of person, Hux, to not take an interest in something you don’t care about.”

“So what do you think?” Hux asked, staring up at the stars swirling above. His skin was pleasant, warm. He could see the lights of the festival reflecting to him in the blackness. How deep was the sky? Hux felt it pressing down onto him, its weight pressing onto his chest. His words escaped like bubbles breaking the surface of a calm pond. “Will this work? Me, caring deeply for my interests. You, not caring about anything but yourself.”

“Yes,” Ren answered. “How could it end badly?” He sounded like he was smiling, but Hux couldn’t look down. He didn’t want to show Ren that he was grinning like an idiot as well.

“Why’d you stop?” Hux asked the stars, stretching his arms above his head and simply floating. Ren chuckled, his hands dragging smooth lines down Hux’s waist to his hips. Hux groaned, circling them under Ren’s hands. “Keep going.”

“Yes, sir,” Ren whispered, his lips dragging low across Hux’s thighs, his knees. He lifted Hux’s calf, dragging his lips along the underside of his muscles, where he had first rubbed sunscreen into Hux’s skin in the airport bathroom. Hux shivered, but not from the cold. He was twisting against the ground, and Ren was at his ankle. He pressed his lips against Hux’s arch through his sandal, then moved to his other foot. He kissed Hux’s Achilles tendon, dragged his lips up to Hux’s calf, kissed the underside of his knee as he pushed it up. He moved up, tender, tiny kisses littering Hux’s skin and leaving behind a trail of crystalline emotions that Hux swore he could feel digging into him like pinpricks. He was on fire when Ren reached his neck once more, when Ren finally brought his lips back to Hux’s. Hux couldn’t stand it.

“And what do you want, Kylo?” Hux begged as they kissed, his hands pulling Ren closer, holding him as Ren set the pace. Instead of answering him, Ren smiled, and lucidity shot through Hux as clear as glass. He breathed in, accepted that he would drown, and kissed Ren back as if his life depended on it.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I waited to post this work by[ kawaiilo--ren](http://kawaiilo--ren.tumblr.com/post/144727338705/kawaiiloren-you-thought-i-was-finished-with), because it fits this chapter much more specifically than the previous one, and it KILLS me every time I look at it. I am overwhelmed!! Please go look at it and love it as much as I do <3
> 
> As always,[I have songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31crA53Dgu0) [ for you](https://youtu.be/GTyN-DB_v5M)!
> 
> I can't handle these two right now. Sorry for the delay in posting up! I'll try to get better about it before next weekend ;)


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